Equestria Preteens Season 1
by Dennis Fielder
Summary: A redraft of Equestria Teens that takes place outside of Equestria Girls' continuity, and the gang meets up sooner. With the first couple of chapters based on Bedknobs and Broomsticks and others based on some of my favorite detective stories.
1. A New Adventure Part 1

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 1: A New Adventure Part 1

(It opens at Canterlot Middle School, Canterlot Kansas, as two boys of about twelve arrive for the first day of school when one of the boys, with black hair and brown eyes, bumps into a twelve-year-old human Twilight.)

Doug: Oh, sorry.  
Twilight: It's okay. I'm Twilight Sparkle. And you are...?  
Doug: Um... Doug Halbeisen.  
Twilight: Ooh... Interesting name. German, right?  
Doug: Exactly.  
Chris: Hi! I'm Chris! My mom's the new chief of school security here! Wow! You're purple! That's cool! Hey, how about-

(Doug pulls Chris back as the others, with a green boy with black hair, arrive.)

Twilight: Hi. These are my friends.  
Doug: Nice to meet you. My name's Doug. This is Chris.  
Applejack: Well howdy-do. My name's Applejack. My family runs Sweet Apple Acres.  
Doug: Never heard of it.  
Applejack: Well I reckon you wouldn't. It's mostly locally known.  
Rarity: I am Rarity, and it's a pleasure to meet you.  
Doug: Are you from England?  
Rarity: No, why do you ask?  
Doug: ... You just sounded-  
Rarity: Oh, I spent a few summers with some relations overseas when I was little.  
Doug: Oh.  
Rainbow Dash: Hey, the name's Rainbow Dash, and I... Am... Awesome!  
Doug: ... How?  
Rainbow Dash: You are looking at a future X-Games Champion!  
Doug: ... Uh... Don't you have to be eighteen to do that?  
Rainbow Dash: That's why I've got two years of practicing!  
Hagrid: Oh boy.  
Rainbow Dash: And this is my brother Hagrid.  
Doug: Like the guy from Harry Potter?  
Hagrid: ... Yes.  
Doug: Nice to meet ya.

(Pinkie pounces the two.)

Pinkie: Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! I love meeting new friends! My dad's a navy captain, and my mom's in heaven!  
Chris: Aw...  
Pinkie: Yeah... That's sad, but luckily, life is so amazingly fun!  
Doug: Wait, so who do you live with?  
Pinkie: Gummy.  
Doug: Who's that?

(Gummy pops out of Pinkie's back pack and bites her hair.)

Doug: AH! Baby alligator!  
Pinkie: Daddy got him for me after a trip to the Everglades. He's got no teeth.  
Doug: Oh, so it's a Pippi Longstocking thing... Alright. So... Who are you?

(Fluttershy looks at them and nervously rubs her hands together.)

Fluttershy (very quietly): Um... I'm Fluttershy.  
Doug: Sorry, what was that?  
Fluttershy (even quieter): I'm Fluttershy.  
Doug: Didn't quite catch that.

(Fluttershy squeaks fearfully.)

Doug: ... Aw. I'm sorry. Don't worry. We're friends.

(Doug takes out his hand as Fluttershy nervously takes it.)

Pinkie: This is Fluttershy!  
Doug: Nice to meet you.

(They go inside as something comes over the PA.)

Luna (VO): This is Principal Luna. Will Twilight Sparkle, Applejack Apple, Fluttershy Bessey, Pinkie Pie, Rarity Belle, Rainbow Dash, Doug Halbeisen, Hagrid Dash, and Chris Mccool please report to the principal's office?  
Hagrid: We just set foot in the building! What the heck?!

(They arrive there as the superintendent of Canterlot schools, Amalthea, is there with the high school principal, Celestia, as well.)

Twilight: Oh! Superintendent Amalthea! Principal Celestia! Nice to meet you, ma'ams.  
Amalthea: Twilight Sparkle. I've waited a long time to meet you and your friends. We have a special assignment for you nine.  
Hagrid: Seriously?! This is our first freaking day! What are we, Harry freaking Potter?!  
Discord (VO): Oh, come, come, Mr. Dash. You're acting like that Nostalgia... Cricket... Guy.

(The human version of Discord, dressed like a janitor appears out of nowhere.)

Rarity: What the-?! The janitor has magic powers?!  
Discord: John Discord at your service... For the most part.  
Applejack: Okay, let's all just calm down everybody. So, what's up?  
Amalthea: My grandparents were the only ones who knew this, but there is magic in the world, however it was made invisible to preserve it from science and logic.  
Doug: ... Isn't that the plot from Flight of Dragons?  
Amalthea: Indeed. However, in recent times, my daughters and I have realized that this world's magic is on the rise, as such, we need you nine to sort out the myths from the truth.  
Doug: Wait, wait, wait, these two are your daughters? A little bit of nepotism going on there, isn't it?  
Luna: I assure you, Doug, we earned our jobs.  
Doug: ... Alright. So now what?  
Amalthea: I recently heard about a book a fellow named John Brown, from London put a listing on eBay for. The title is "The Spells of Asteroth".  
Doug: ... Really?! As in the book from Bedknobs and Broomsticks?!  
Celestia: There are times when fact and fiction mix together, Doug.  
Doug: Alright. So... What?  
Amalthea: We want you to go to London and procure the book.  
Doug: ... How?  
Discord: Why do you think I'm here?

(Suddenly, three eight-year-olds, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, arrive.)

Applejack: What the-? Now what in the hay are y'all doing here?!  
Amalthea: I excused them from school for this "field trip".  
Applebloom: Yeah, and we wanna help, Applejack!  
Sweetie Belle: Yeah! We can um... Give you moral support and stuff.  
Scootaloo: Oh, this isn't gonna go well.  
Rainbow Dash: Tell me about it.  
Chris: So when are we going?  
Discord: Right now.

(Discord snaps his fingers as they all suddenly appear in London.)

Hagrid: What the-? How did-? We were- What the heck just happened?!  
Doug: It's magic. You don't really have to explain it.  
Hagrid: THAT'S NO ANSWER!  
Twilight: Calm down you two.  
Doug: Alright.  
Applebloom: This is awesome!  
Doug: Yup.  
Chris: This is so cool!  
Pinkie: I know!  
Discord: If I may interrupt this nice moment, I believe John Brown is right across the street.

(They go over and see an English man about their age with a case that reads "Professor John Brown". He sets the case down as it opens up to reveal several dew-dads.)

John: Ladies and gentlemen!

(Sparks fly out of his hands.)

Fluttershy: Oh my.  
John: Gather around please, ladies and gentlemen!  
Twilight: Oh great. A male Trixie.  
John: Note the name, ladies and gentlemen, Professor John Brown. I am here to divert, amuse, and possibly even help you with the drudgery of the day. How can I enrich your lives?

(The gang walks up to John as he walks up to Rarity.)

John: My humble talents are at your command. Aw madam, what have we here?

(John pulls a coin out of Rarity's ear.)

Rarity: What the-?  
Doug: Oh come on, that's the oldest trick in the book.

(John swings the coin on some string he had attached to it.)

John: Yes my friend, a trick. Or to use a kinder word, an illusion, but what isn't in these troubled times? We live in a world of fakery and false ideas. It is not what things are.

(John holds up a cane as it seems to extend as he tosses it to Applejack.)

John: It is what they seem to be. Is that not so, madam?

(Applejack looks at the stick and finds that it's a collapsible toy.)

Scootaloo: This isn't the kinda help I expected.  
Sweetie Belle: I don't think it's the kinda help any of us expected either.  
John: You see it really doesn't matter what I do, what I do, as long as I do it...

(John shows a red cloth and turns it all around before pulling out a bushel of roses from it and hands them to Rarity.)

John: With a flair. What effect a little smoke is.

(He pulls out a pan as a flash packet goes off causing a fire to appear in the pan.)

John: With a dash of Hocus Pocus. And a scent of burning sulfur in the air.

(John puts the red cloth inside the pan and closes it. He opens it soon afterwards as a dove flies out.)

Fluttershy: Oh my, I hope that dove didn't get a cramp.  
John: _I'm a fraud, a hoax.  
A charlatan, a joke.  
But they love me everywhere.  
_  
(John gives Pinkie flowers that appear almost out of nowhere.)

Pinkie: Ooh, thank you.  
John: Thank you.

(He takes one away as the rest fall over, revealed as plastic.)

Pinkie: Ha-ha-ha! That was funny!  
John: Now ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick, may I draw your attention to this ordinary window glass. Framed in an ordinary, unprepared frame.

(He then holds up a nail.)

John: May I also draw your attention to this perfectly ordinary steel nail? Now I shall place the steel nail through the glass without breaking the glass.  
Hagrid (scoffing): Yeah right.  
John: Impossible you say, my friend? We shall see.

(John puts the nail through the glass as it sounds like it shatters, but as he pulls the nail out and shows it to them, there isn't a hole, and he hands it to Rainbow Dash who puts her hand through as a shattering sound effect comes out.)

Rainbow Dash: Hey, this thing's rigged!  
Scootaloo: Yeah.  
John: That's the whole point my dears.  
_And it really doesn't matter  
What I say, what I say.  
As long as I say it with a flair.  
First I rattle off a ready stalk  
Of gibberish and poppycock,  
And fix you with my best hypnotic stare.  
_  
(He stares at Discord who just stares back and makes him blink a little before regaining his composure and continuing.)

John: _With my moans  
And groans and sufferific tones  
They have cheered me, everywhere.  
For it really doesn't matter  
What I say. What I say.  
I sell it when I tell it  
With a sheen of imagine.  
_  
(He reveals a box with a crystal ball in it as he waves his hand, making it float.)

John: _The magician's nursery rhyme.  
Abracadabra!  
_  
(He cuts the string holding it up as it falls back into the box.)

John: _You succumb to it every time.  
Wave a stick, and each trick,  
Will mystify and disarm.  
In fact to coin a fitting phrase,  
It works... Like a charm.  
So it really doesn't matter  
What I brew. What I brew.  
As long as I brew it with a flair.  
Though I've never cast a magic spell,  
I make the motions very well.  
My showmanship is far beyond compare.  
I'm a rogue. A rake.  
A mountebank of fake.  
But I do whate'er I dare.  
For it really doesn't matter  
What I do... What I do...  
You buy my charms and poxes  
'Cause they come in fancy boxes.  
To improve your ugly daughter,  
I've a vile of colored water.  
And my magic incantations  
Can be framed as decorations.  
Though there's really nothing to it,  
And of course you all see through it!  
You love me 'cause I do it...  
With a flair.  
_  
(Everyone can only stare in confusion.)

John: Now my little child, how would you like something?  
Applebloom: What?  
John: The mating call of the nightingale. Known as the bird of love?

(He holds up a fancy kazoo.)

John: With this little object, you can charm the very birds from the tree like so.

(He takes a bite of the kazoo and whistles perfectly like a nightingale.)

Fluttershy: Ooh...  
Applebloom: How much?  
John: For you, my young friend, one penny. One copper coin of the realm.

(She pulls out a dollar she brought with her as it has become a British pound.)

Applebloom: Here you go. You can keep the change.  
John: Thank you, and here you are.

(Applebloom takes it and does just what John does as she just blows, but she can't even make a whistle sound at all.)

Applebloom: It don't work. I've been cheated.  
Applejack: We're supposed to get help from this crook?!  
Discord: Yup.  
Rarity: Urgh. I'd rather spend the rest of my life looking for Santa Claus than work with such a man as this "John Brown".  
John: May I ask what you would've needed help with?  
Pinkie: We're looking for a book about Azarath.  
Fluttershy: Asteroth.  
Pinkie: That too.  
John: Oh, I'm afraid an old crone with a circus already bought the old book.  
Twilight: Oh, please, where's this circus lady live?  
John: Well it's a traveling zoo of mythical creatures, but like me, she's more flair than anything else, but if you insist.

(Cut to an old fair with a very old, hunched woman, as she has a servant who looks like Andy Serkis.)

Man: Now come along you lot, look at the marvels of Madame Leota.

(They look at a Chinese Dragon in a cage as Fluttershy squeaks nervously and hides behind Hagrid while Twilight and Doug stare transfixed.)

Man: The legendary dragons. A serpent long and strong enough to crush a building with just one coil of its body.

(Fluttershy squeaks again.)

Man: Inside is the firepower to burn this whole country to the ground, and yet its skin is so cold, it burns!

(They go to a Manticore.)

Fluttershy: Oh, the poor little baby kitty.  
Hagrid: Little?!  
Rainbow Dash: Baby?!  
Man: That's no kitten ma'am. It's a Manticore. With the body of a lion, the face of a man, and the tail of a scorpion!

(They then go to a Unicorn.)

Twilight: Is that a... A unicorn?  
Doug: Looks more like a bicorn to me.

(They look and see the Unicorn, with a traditional horn, but with another horn in the shape of a dagger next to it. She then looks at Doug as the man continues.)

Unicorn: Can you see me, Mr. Halbeisen... Do you know what I am?

(The boys are in shock as Doug stares.)

Doug: Did that bicorn just... Talk?

To Be Continued...


	2. A New Adventure Part 2

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 2: A New Adventure Part 2

(It opens as everyone stares at the Unicorn.)

Doug: You can talk? But that means... You're real. You're a real unicorn.  
Hagrid: C-come on. There are no such things as unicorns.  
Twilight: ... Well there it is! ... Right there.  
Rarity: Oh my dear lord.  
Discord: Interesting, isn't it?  
Unicorn: Now Mr. Halbeisen and friends, look. Look at my fellow prisoners and tell me what you see.

(Cut to the Manticore as it fades into an elderly lion.)

Doug: That so called Manticore is really an old toothless lion.

(Pan to a satyr in a cage turning into an ape.)

Twilight: And she had us believing that some poor ape with a twisted ankle was a satyr.

(Pan to the dragon as it's revealed as a snake.)

Applejack: And that dragon is just a snake.

(Pan back to the gang.)

Rarity: Illusions, all of them. Brown was right. This entire place is just one big parlor trick.  
John: Well, after seeing her, I'm afraid I'm starting to retract that statement.

(There's a barking sound as they all turn to see a large female Great Dane with three heads.)

Doug: That's no illusion. It's a real Cerberus.  
Unicorn: Indeed. Madam Leota captured her when she was but a pup. Please help us.  
Doug: Of course we will. We just need to grab a book she bought first.  
Twilight: ... I've got an idea!

(Cut to that night as Madam Leota is sleeping in her cart as Doug and Chris sneak in. They go to the wall as the keys for all the cages are there, and Doug grabs them as Chris grabs the book, and they rush out.)

Twilight: "The Spells of Asteroth". We've found it!  
Doug: Okay, now we just need to get these little fellas out.

(Doug unlocks the Unicorn's cage as the lock suddenly laughs as it comes undone. Once the Unicorn leaves, her extra horn disappears.)

Hagrid: What the heck was that?!  
Twilight: Some kind of alarm spell?  
Unicorn: There's no time to explain.

(Doug quickly unlocks the other doors as the noise awakens Madam Leota as she comes out.)

Madam Leota: You! You little brats stole it!  
Applebloom: What do we do?  
Twilight: Oh, please let me be able to do magic.

(Twilight casts a freezing spell as Madam Leota freezes in place.)

Pinkie: Hooray!  
Twilight: It won't last long! We've gotta get out of here!  
John: Quite right, my good woman.

(Doug and Fluttershy look at the locked up Cerberus as it moans, and they go to her.)

Applejack: Doug, Fluttershy, get back here! That thing'll kill y'all if you let it out!  
Doug: It wouldn't be fair to leave the poor thing here.

(Doug unlocks the door as the Cerberus jumps on the two.)

Hagrid: Doug!  
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy!

(The two laugh as two of the dog's heads lick them.)

Fluttershy: That's right. You're just a sad little puppy, aren't you?  
Doug: Come with us, girl.  
Everyone: WHAT?!  
Doug: I shall call her Fluffy, and she shall be mine. She shall be my Cerberus.  
John: Right, now, about getting along.  
Unicorn: Indeed. We need a place to relax.  
John: I've got it. My own place, in a small neighborhood just outside of London.

(The unicorn's horn glows as they teleport there. It's an old relatively derelict house.)

Rarity: There must have been some mistake. You surely don't live here.  
John: As a matter of fact, I do, Rarity. I arrived here a few years back and found the front door opened. The house was deserted. In fact everyone had left the neighborhood.  
Applejack: Now why in Sam Hill would they do that?  
John: This might have something to do with it.

(John points out a small bomb halfway embedded into the ground.)

Doug: Hokey smokes, that's a World War II bomb from the Blitzkrieg! No wonder everyone left! I'm surprised you didn't high tail it and run!  
John: Yes, quite true. I am by nature, well a bit of a coward, but in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is quite possibly the best friend I ever had. It enables me for the first time in my life to live like a king.  
Fluttershy: B-but what if it goes off while you're inside?  
John: Impossible my dear. That bomb is most obviously a dud if it's been inert for all these decades.  
Twilight: Alright. Now I can just study up this book and skim through it.

(They all go in as John goes to a table and hands Applebloom a story book.)

John: An old book from a nursery upstairs. I figured I owed you a piece offering as we're very likely to still be spending at least a little bit of time together.  
Applebloom: Gee, thanks Mr. Brown.

(Applebloom goes to the table and reads it as Doug goes to the Unicorn.)

Doug: Um, ma'am, how did you know my last name?  
Unicorn: Because an ancestor of yours was a dear friend of mine.  
Doug: Say huh?  
Unicorn: His name was Schmendrick the Magician.  
Doug: Schmendrick the Magician? But he was only a character in the Last Unicorn.  
Unicorn: A sad truth of a tale that in the end lacks evidence. It is to become legend and then myth.  
Doug: Then that'd make you... Amalthea.  
Amalthea: Indeed. Even when Madam Leota held me captive I kept a close eye on the family of my old friends.  
Sweetie Belle: Um, Miss Amalthea, how long were you held captive?  
Amalthea: It has been a hundred years since I last stepped on grass instead of the cold iron of my cage.  
Hagrid: That's impossible! That would make Madam Leota a good century old!  
Amalthea: Indeed. She is a scavenger of magic. It was people like her, Mommy Fortuna, and another wizard's cruelty to animals that led me to ensure that the rest of the unicorns made it under the Great Dome of Invisibility, though I failed to make it through.  
Applejack: Great Dome of... Ya mean that place Superintendent Amalthea talked about.  
Amalthea: Indeed I am.  
Chris: Wow, this is so cool! Isn't this cool Hagrid?! I mean-  
Twilight: Chris, I'm trying to read here! Now let's see... A traveling spell... Something to make a broomstick fly... Oh, I found a spell for- hey, this book's been torn in half!  
Scootaloo: What?! You mean we have to go back?!  
John: Oh, not at all. It got that way when I saw Leota buy it. There was some sort of scuffle over the shopkeeper believing Leota cheated him, and the book tore, so Leota got one half, and the shopkeeper got the other.  
Twilight: Oh boy... Well the last page is about Substitutiary Locomotion. "Substitutiary Locomotion. The lost art of bringing an inanimate object to life is contained in three simple words. These words are"

(Twilight flips through the whole book.)

Twilight: It's not here. It's not here! We came all the way to another country! Went through all of that, and we've only got half a book!  
Doug: Whoa Twilight, relax. I'm sure we can get the second half. So John, where would it be?  
John: Oh, it's probably been thrown away, but if it still exists, there's only one place to find it.  
Rarity: Where?

(Cut to an old London neighborhood as Amalthea teleports them there, now looking like a simple mare to all but them.)

John: _Portobello Road. Portobello Road.  
Street where the riches of ages are stowed.  
Anything and everything a chap can unload  
Is sold of the barrow in Portobello Road.  
You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road.  
_  
(They walk past several merchants holding their wares.)

Merchant: _Real alabaster!  
_John: _Genuine plaster.  
_Merchant 2: _A filigreed samovar owned by the czars.  
_Merchant 3: _A pen used by Shelly.  
_John: _A new Botticelli.  
_Merchant 3: _The snipers that clipped old King Edward's cigars.  
_  
(John looks at it closely.)

John: Made in Hong Kong? Two bob a dozen, wouldn't you say?  
Discord: Ooh, I like this guy.  
Merchant 4: _Waterford crystal?  
_Merchant 5: _Napoleon's pistols!  
_Merchant 6: _Society heirlooms with genuine gems?!  
_Merchant 7: _Rembrandts. El Grecos. Toulouse Lautrecos.  
_John: _Painted last week on the banks of the Thames._  
Twilight: Very interesting, but where do they sell books?  
John: Relax Twilight, there's a little place around the corner.  
Everyone: _Portobello Road. Portobello Road.  
Street where the riches of ages are stowed.  
_John: _Anything and everything a chap can unload  
Is sold of the barrow in Portobello Road.  
_  
(Two young women in blue and pink walk past.)

Women: _You'll meet all your chums in the Portobello Road.  
_John (nervously): Nice to see you. Good-bye!  
Twilight: But what I want is the other half of this book!  
John: All in good time, my dear.

(Discord goes after the two girls who just left as Chris follows until his feet get frozen to the ground.)

Chris: Hey, wh-?  
Discord: Why? Because I can.

(He goes off with the two girls.)

Amalthea: Oh Lord.

(They arrive at a bookshop as Doug, Chris, and Pinkie are the most excited to look around.)

Doug: _There's pure inspiration in every fixation.  
_Shopkeeper: _No cheap imitation, not here in me store.  
With garments as such as was worn by a duchess.  
_Doug: _Just once at some royal occasion of yore.  
_Twilight: Doug, I'm trying to find the other half of this book!  
Doug: Sorry.

(He puts a hat on her head.)

Doug: But you sure do look great in that hat.  
Twilight: Oh, you.  
Doug: _In Portobello Road. Portobello Road.  
The fancies and fineries of ages are showed.  
_  
(Cut to Rarity and Sweetie Belle dressed up in recently purchased coats and hats.)

Rarity: _A lady will always feel dressed a la mode.  
_Sweetie Belle: _In frillies she finds in the Portobello Road.  
_  
(Another bookkeeper piles book after book next to Twilight as she and Applejack are searching it.)

Bookkeeper: _Burke's Peerage. The Bride Book.  
The fishmonger's guide book.  
_Applejack: We're looking for the other part of the book my friend's holding, thank you kindly.  
Bookkeeper: _A Victorian Novel, the Unwanted Son?  
_Applejack: Aw.  
Twilight: Can't anyone focus around here?! We're trying to find the other half of the book!  
Bookkeeper: _The History of Potting.  
_John: _"The Yearbook of Yachting".  
_Bookkeeper: _The Leather bound Life of Attila the Hun.  
_  
(They keep walking around as everyone, even Twilight begins to give in to the odd beauty of the place as Discord comes back looking very happy.)

Discord: _Portobello Road. Portobello Road.  
Street where the riches of ages are stowed.  
_  
(Cut to Rarity trying on jewelry.)

Rarity: _Artifacts to glorify a regal abode  
Are hidden in the flotsam of Portobello Road.  
_Amalthea: Rarity, I don't believe you need any more souvenirs. Especially not such expensive ones.  
Rarity (disappointed): Oh, I suppose you're right.  
Chris: _Tokens and treasures. Yesterday's pleasures._  
Hagrid: _Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old.  
_Rainbow Dash: _Dented and tarnished. Scarred and unvarnished.  
_Applejack: _In old Portobello they're bought, and they're sold.  
_Fluttershy: _Tokens and Treasures. Yesterday's pleasures.  
Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old.  
Dented and tarnished. Scared and unvarnished.  
In old Portobello, they're bought, and they're sold._

(Cut to the group finally getting back together as they find another bookshop.)

John: This good lady is looking for the other half of this book.  
Twilight: It's called The Spells of Asteroth.

(A figure eyes them and backs into the shadows.)

Bookkeeper 2: I don't keep any torn or damaged books here! What do you think I am? A ruddy white paper merchant?!  
John: Sorry sir. No offense.

(They walk on as Applebloom's eating an ice cream.)

Applebloom: _You can eat like a queen in the Portobello road!  
_John: Now if I'm right, there should be at least one more bookstore around here, somewhere.

(He finds a merchant playing a piano.)

John: Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you? Let me have a go my dear fellow.  
Pinkie: Ooh yeah! It's my turn to sing!

(John begins playing.)

Pinkie: _Portobello Road! Portobello Road!  
All kinds of things are happening in Portobello Road!  
You'll feel like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad!  
When you kick your heals up down in Portobello Road!  
_  
(Everyone begins dancing along, even Twilight, until it begins to rain and everyone closes up.)

Twilight: Oh!  
Amalthea: _Portobello Road. Portobello Road._  
Streets where the riches of ages are stowed.  
Hagrid: Well, that was pointless.

(The man comes up.)

Man: I heard you were looking for something called the Spells of Asteroth.  
John: Indeed? Then how come you didn't say anything until everyone had closed up?  
Man: Does this answer your question?

(He holds out a knife.)

Doug: Holy-!  
John: Alright, so where is it?  
Man: It's with me boss, the Bookman. He'd like to see ya.  
Twilight: Okay.

(They go to the basement of an old bookstore filled with maps of Middle Earth as well as several copies of the Last Unicorn.)

Doug: Well, this can't be good.

(They're brought in front of an old man who looks like John Glover.)

Bookman: My, such a big party looking for half a book.  
Twilight: Well friends stick together.  
Bookman: And I see you have what I'm looking for as well. Maybe we can help each other.  
John: I'd rather help a cobra.  
Bookman: Would you prefer I'd ask my friend Swigburn to take what I want?

(Swigburn pulls out the knife as John gets up.)

John: Hey now, none of that.  
Bookman: It's all like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle. We're both after the same spell. You have one clue, and I have the other.  
Twilight: Well... Then I guess the only sensible thing to do is share.

(Bookman walks up with his half.)

Bookman: I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I?

(They switch halves.)

Bookman: Let's see... Ah. "Substitutiary Locomotion. The lost art of bringing an inanimate object to life is contained in three simple words. These words are"  
Twilight: "Engraved on the star that was always worn by the Sorcerer Asteroth." Oh come on! One spell! We've been all over England, and we're one spell short!  
Bookman: But where are the words of the spell? I assumed they were in your half of the book!  
Twilight: And we assumed they were in yours.  
Bookman: Once again, a dead end. I shall never know the secret.

(Doug looks at the book with Twilight and finds a picture of a wizard with several animals.)

Doug: There's Asteroth, and that must be his star. Too bad it's so small, or else we could just read the writing.  
Chris: But why the animals?  
Bookman: Towards the end of his life, Asteroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals revolted against the experiment, killed Asteroth, and stole many of his powers.  
Amalthea: Including the star with the spell on it.  
Bookman: Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never seen again. However, there is a final notation in my half of the book talking about a shipwrecked man found after several weeks, half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died, he swore he saw an island ruled by animals.  
Doug: Where?  
Bookman: There is, I regret to say, no such place. I looked for it on every chart I could, but the Isle of Naboombu does not exist.

(Applebloom looks down at her book and sees the title. "The Isle of Naboombu".)

Applebloom: Oh, it does too! Mr. Brown gave me a-

(Hagrid covers her mouth.)

Bookman: What did she say?!  
Hagrid: Nothing. She's just being a silly little kid.  
Bookman: I wish the child to speak!

(Hagrid removes his hand.)

Hagrid: Now you've done it.  
Applebloom: It's in this book, Mr. Brown gave me. It's got some real purdy pictures.  
John (quickly): You wouldn't be interested, Bookman. It's just a silly children's book.  
Bookman: I'll be the judge of that. Give me the book.  
Applebloom: No.  
Bookman: Please don't annoy me. Give me the book, girl.  
Applebloom: Make me.

(Swigburn comes up with his Switchblade as Amalthea teleports them back to John's house.)

Twilight: Well that's it. All we have to do is go to the Isle of Naboombu! Then we can get the spell and give it and the book to Superintendent Amalthea, Principal Celestia, and Principal Luna!  
Amalthea: We should be careful though. Those animals are savage and cutthroat.  
Rainbow Dash: You sound like you know them.  
Amalthea: I helped save them from Asteroth, and when he tried to capture me, I fought back, and he was killed in the struggle. All simply went their own way, stealing Asteroth's belongings with them.  
Applebloom: Whoo-hoo! We're gonna get the last thing!  
Sweetie Belle: Hooray!

(They're teleported to the beach of Naboombu as they look around.)

Rarity: No one's here!  
Voice: People?! Oh no! What scurvy luck!

(They turn to see a bear in a sailor's suit.)

Rarity: ... Is that a bear in a sailor's suit?  
John: Yup.  
Rarity: Okay, good. For a moment I thought I lost my mind.

(The bear advances.)

To Be Continued...


	3. A New Adventure Part 3

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 3: A New Adventure Part 3

(It opens right after the last episode as they stare at the bear.)

John: Leave this to me. I'll use the old John Brown method.  
Doug: What's that?

(John goes up to the bear.)

John: Good day to you sir. I see you're a fellow sailor. I used to sail with her majesty's navy for-  
Bear: Stow it, mate!

(The bear knocks John aside as he shoves them all to a sign.)

Bear: Can't none of you read reading?!  
Rarity: Okay, first of all, sir, it's "Can't any of you read writing?" If you're going to insult us, do it properly. Second, I resent your claim that we're all illiterate.  
Bear: Duh... Anyway, it says "No Peopling allowed!"  
Doug: Peopling? Is that even a word?  
Bear: It means I gotta... Th-throw you all back!  
Applebloom: Hey wait a minute! Anyone can see the King of Naboombu, and that's the law!  
Bear: Where'd you hear that?  
Applebloom: It's here in my book.

(Applebloom shows the bear the book.)

Bear: So it do.  
Rarity: Does.  
Hagrid: Rarity, the... Giant... Talking... Bear... Oh dear lord, I just said that out loud. Anyway, he's threatening to toss us into the ocean! Stop correcting his grammar!  
Bear: Well if you people knew what was good for ya, ya'd get yourselves thrown back. The king don't like people!  
Twilight: Never the less, we must speak to the king!  
Fluttershy: Yeah, um, so could you take us to the king?  
Bear: Well alright, but don't say I didn't warn ya.

(Cut to a tent bellowing in and out.)

King (pirate voice): GET OUT OF HERE!

(A tiger flies out and dusts himself off when he notices the bear.)

Tiger (Tony Jay-like): You, sailor, what are these people, doing on Naboombu?  
Bear: They appeared on the beach and wanna see the king.  
Tiger: The king is in no mood to play diplomat, so just throw them into the sea as usual.  
Bear: Aye-aye, sir.  
John: Whoa, wait! As a performer, I'm not without talents. Perhaps I could cheer him up in return for us staying long enough to just build a boat and leave like that?  
Tiger: A good bargain, but I'm afraid his majesty is not simply in a foul mood. You see, his majesty fancies himself as the world's greatest football player, however, due to an... Accident with our referee, the Royal Cup Match cannot take place today. Now...  
John: Wait, I can still help. I can referee.  
Tiger: Indeed?  
John: Yes sir. I was captain of my college team in 2012.  
Tiger: Well, I'll see if he'll at least humor the idea.

(He goes in.)

King: NOW WHAT?!

(He listens and actually begins laughing before coming out. He's a lion with a crown and the Star of Asteroth around his neck.)

King: Har-har, can't tell ye how much I appreciate this offer, boyo. For some reason, we have difficulty keeping referees for more than a game or two. If there be one thing we like, it's volunteers. Eh, Khan?  
Khan: Yes.  
John: Well, let's get that game ready, your highness.

(John walks off with the two.)

Rarity: You know I've got to admit that in many respects, John Brown is a pretty brave man.  
Applebloom: Yeah, and what kinda football game do they mean?  
Doug: From the way they're talking, it's Soccer.  
Applebloom: Oh...  
Discord: Plus, the sly old dog is in a position to grab the Star off the king without him realizing it.  
Pinkie: Hooray!

(Cut to just before the game as John looks at the star.)

John: What a magnificent ornament, sire.  
King: Aye. Wouldn't be without it. Been in the family for generations.

(Cut to the stands as Khan leads the gang to a large box.)

Khan: The King has given you permission to sit in his royal box, do try not to make a mess of it.  
Applejack: Uh... Alright.

(Cut to the field as the game commences. The King's team is made of carnivorous animals while the other team is made of herbivores.)

John: Right then, let's have a nice clean game.

(He blows the whistle, and all at once, everyone tramples him to get the ball.)

Fluttershy: Oh my, that can't have felt good.

(Eventually, the ball goes to an ostrich that continually kicks it around.)

Scootaloo: Hurry up and get rid of it, you idiot!

(They trample the bird.)

Chris: Oh, well you did tell him so.

(Eventually, the ball lands on a rhino's horn, popping and blowing all over the place.)

King: STOP THAT BALL!

(The king's bellow sends everyone into the herbivore's goal, as the King sees the ball and blows it in as well.)

King: Har-har. Game's over. I win.  
John (exhausted): Okay...

(Cut to later as John gets his jacket back on.)

John: Oh, your highness let me help you into your robe.  
King: Why thank you.  
John: So, you ever heard of something called the Gypsy Switch?  
King: Why no.

(The king turns around the reveal John's referee whistle.)

King: Can't say that I have.  
John: Remind me to tell you about it, sometime.

(John holds his hand behind his back to reveal the Star.)

John: I can't tell you how pleased I was to make your acquaintance.  
Twilight: Yeah, sir, but I think we better get going back home.  
King: Aye. You're a friendly lot, and I don't mind ye visiting, but I wouldn't want ye living here.  
Rarity: Quite right, sire. Well, bye.

(They head off as Khan notices the whistle.)

Khan: Sir, would you mind if I pointed something out.  
King: What?  
Khan: It appears that Mr. Brown has stolen your Star and replaced it with a whistle.

(The King looks and roars as he rushes after them. Cut to the others as they get to the beach.)

Twilight: We have it. The star! Now we just need to figure out the spell, and we're done!  
Doug: Let's practice this thing in my place. It'll be safe enough there.

(The King charges.)

Sweetie Belle: AH! What do we do?!  
Doug: I've got an idea! Twilight, you still got that book?!  
Twilight: Yeah.  
Doug: Give the first half to me!

(Twilight does so as Doug skims through a few pages.)

Doug: Got it! (To the King) Filigree apogee pedigree pillogee!

(The King turns into a rabbit.)

Doug: Holy cow, it worked. I was totally winging it... Uh... We might wanna leave before that spell wears off.  
Twilight: Right.

(They teleport back to Doug's house in Canterlot as his grandfather sees them.)

Doug: Hey Pa. These are my new friends.  
Pinkie: Hi, Mr. Halbeisen-  
Doug: Fielder. He was my mom's dad.  
Pinkie: Oh. Hi Mr. Fielder! I'm Pinkie! Isn't this a great day?! I know it's been a great day for me! Are you guys excited? Because I'm excited! I've never been so excited! Well, except for the time I met you guys at the start of the day, but I mean really, who could-  
Applejack: Now calm down, Pinkie. You alright, sir?  
Pa: Fine. Nice to meet you, and is that a unicorn and a three-headed dog?  
Doug: It's a long... Story.

(Doug's mom and dad come up.)

Mrs. Halbeisen: Oh good lord, am I seeing what I think I am?  
Doug: Yup.  
Mr. Halbeisen: ... So... That's a real unicorn I'm looking at?  
Applejack: Yep.  
Amalthea: Greetings Mr. and Mrs. Halbeisen. You have raised a fine boy.  
Mrs. Halbeisen: ... Well our lives just took a permanent turn into a weird territory.  
Twilight: Okay, now the Star.

(Doug tosses it to her as she reads it.)

Twilight: Perfect! Okay, I need some shoes.

(Doug puts down some work shoes.)

Twilight: Okay, here goes. Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.

(Nothing happens.)

Sweetie Belle: Nothing happened!  
Twilight: Hm, could I be doing something wrong?  
Doug: Well maybe you could jazz it up a little. Like what John said back in London. "Do it with a flair".  
Rob (groaning): That means do it as a song doesn't it?  
Doug: Yup, now come on guys, we need all the help we can get.  
Everyone (chanting): Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.  
Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.  
Twilight: _Substitutiary Locomotion!  
Mystic Power that's far beyond the wildest notion!  
It's so weird! So feared! And yet wonderful to see!  
Substitutiary Locomotion come to me!  
_Doug: Shh! Now.  
Twilight: Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.

(The shoes begin moving on their own.)

Applebloom: Cool!

(Everyone joins in the shoes dance as it's joined by Doug's other shoes, and his jacket, Pa's clothes, and a woman's gown, which begins dancing with John.)

Rarity: That's the gown I bought in London!  
John: Really? It dances divinely.  
Pa: Well, this was an interesting place to move to.  
Doug: Yeah.  
Twilight: Okay, this is seriously out of control!  
Applejack: Well what are we supposed to do about it?!  
Doug: Maybe the book has an All Purpose Cut-Off Spell. I hear about that sort of thing in loads of fantasies and the like.

(Twilight goes and finds the spell.)

Twilight: Got it. Finite Incantatum!

(The objects stop moving.)

Twilight: Phew. Okay, practice time.

(Cut to an hour or so later as Twilight's finally mastered the spell.)

Twilight: Phew. Now we can go back to school.  
Hagrid: Well, it was pretty fun, though it felt like I was stuck in a 60s Disney Movie.  
Pinkie: Ooh, ooh! Maybe we can start a club or something!  
Chris: Yeah! It'd be so awesome! So awesome, I know it!  
Hagrid: ... Eh.

(Doug goes to Fluffy.)

Doug: Now Fluffy, you be a good girl for Mom, Dad, and Pa while we're gone, okay?  
Fluffy: Ruff!

(Amalthea stays with them and magically disguises Fluffy as a normal dog.)

Doug: Thanks.  
Twilight: Well, let's go.  
Doug: Right.  
Fluttershy: Hagrid, I just wanted to thank you for going along with all this. I know you didn't really believe it until we got to that zoo.  
Hagrid: Hey, it was nothing.  
Applejack: Well, let's get along, little doggies.  
Chris: Yeah.

(The teens return to the school as Twilight brings up the two halves of a book.)

Luna: Yeash, what happened?  
Doug: We already have to tell my parents and my Pa, ma'am. We don't have enough energy to relive it if we don't have to.  
Celestia: Fair enough.  
Rainbow Dash: Oh, but we did find the unicorn from the Last Unicorn!  
Amalthea: Indeed?  
Rarity: Quite.  
Amalthea: Well, I was wondering if you nine, and who's that?  
John: John Brown, madam. I figured it might do well for me to stay with them. After all, there wasn't that much for me back in London.  
Amalthea: Very well, now, how about you ten working together to help us find the magic that's coming back into the world.  
Doug: Like the Men in Black?  
Celestia: More like Jane Goodall.  
Doug: Sounds good. Um... Hey John, where are you going to stay?  
John: Don't know.  
Doug: How about you stay with my family? We love having company.  
John: I'd love to.

(The last bell rings.)

Doug: Well, off we go.

(They head out.)

The End.


	4. Flight of Dragons

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 4: Flight of Dragons

(It opens with the gang at the backyard with Unicorn Amalthea as Pinkie is standing there tickling Fluffy's stomach.)

Pinkie (cooing): Who's a good viscous three-headed dog? You are! Yes, you are.  
Doug: So... You're the last unicorn... Again.  
Amalthea: Indeed.  
Doug: Well, there's only one thing to do.  
Hagrid: Pen up your back yard and charge people five bucks a pop to look at her?

(Everyone stares at him.)

Hagrid: Relax guys, it was a joke.  
Chris: ... I don't get it.  
Doug: Anyway, we've got to get her to the dome of invisibility!  
Twilight: ... Doug... Buddy... There's one small problem... We don't know where it is!  
Amalthea: I can lead you there.  
Doug: Whoo! Hey Pa, we're gonna drop Amalthea off at the Great Dome of Invisibility, so we may be gone for the weekend. Could you tell Mom and Dad?  
Pa: Okay, but try to be back in time for school.  
Doug: Okay.  
Rainbow Dash: You... Have the coolest... Grandpa... Ever.

(Cut to them walking out of Canterlot and trekking across Kansas. They wake up from camping equipment they brought and head off as the sun rises.)

Hagrid: _Horizon rising up to meet the purple dawn.  
Dust demon screaming; bring an eagle to lead me on.  
For in my heart I carry such a heavy load.  
Here I am on man's road, walking man's road, walking man's road.  
_  
(Cut to them grabbing some energy bars as they cross from Kansas to Nebraska.)

Pinkie: _I'm hungry, weary, but I cannot lay me down.  
_Rarity: _The rain comes, dreary, but there's no shelter I have found.  
_John: _It will be a long time till I find my abode.  
Here I am on man's road, walking man's road.  
_  
(Cut to night as they camp out before heading to bed as the moon rises.)

Applejack: _Moon rising, disguising lonely streets in gay displays.  
_Chris: _The stars fade; the night shade falls and makes the world afraid.  
_Twilight: _It waits in silence for the sky to explode.  
_  
(The day starts up again as they continue on.)

Everyone: _Here I am on man's road, walking man's road, walking man's road.  
Walking man's road, walking man's road, walking man's road.  
_  
(They stop at a long stretch of meadow.)

Fluttershy: Um... Is this where we're camping tonight?  
Amalthea: No.

(She walks through it as everyone gapes as Doug puts his hand to the air as his hand disappears.)

Pinkie: Ooh...  
Rarity: So, what's it like?  
Doug: It actually feels kinda cool.

(Doug walks through it and disappears.)

Twilight: AH!

(Doug pokes his head out.)

Hagrid: AH!  
Doug: You guys coming or not?

(Doug pulls himself back in as the others follow to find a huge and elaborate world as Amalthea is there with Doug.)

Doug: Hey guys.  
Hagrid: But the- You were- We were- Mountains! How did mountains appear?!  
Doug: It's inside the dome.  
Pinkie: Ooh...  
Doug: Let's look around before heading back!  
Applejack: Well alright, but remember, we aint got that much time to-

(A flight of dragons flies past as Fluttershy shrieks and jumps into a bush as Hagrid, Doug, and Twilight stare transfixed.)

Doug: Let's get a better look!  
Twilight: ... Okay.  
Hagrid: Wait what?

(The two climb up a small mountain as Doug helps her as they look at the dragons fly.)

Chris: Hey, if dragons are real, how do they know not to run through the dome?  
Amalthea: They're sentient.  
Chris: Oh.  
Hagrid: Can you imagine. There really was a time between the dying age of magic and the dawning age of logic when dragons flew the skies, free and unencumbered by this dome.

(Cut to Twilight and Doug at the top of the mountain as they gaze up.)

Doug: Just look up here, Twi. These dragons and the rediscovery of the Magical Realm signify that all mankind may eventually face a choice, it may not be our time, but someday, we'll have to make a choice. Continue with a world of pure science or a world where magic and science unite to be one thing. Which will it be?  
Twilight: I don't know, but at the very least, we've seen this.  
Doug: I know. Beautiful, isn't it?  
Twilight: Yeah...  
_Flight of dragons...  
Soaring the purple night...  
In the sky... Or in my mind...  
Flight of dragons...  
Sail past reality...  
Leaving illusions behind...  
_  
(Cut to the two as kids in split screen cuddling up to stuffed dragons, one purple, one golden.)

Doug: _Is it the past I see?  
When I look up to the heavens,  
Believing in the magic  
That I know may never be?  
_  
(Cut to the two after they meet talking about the dragons in Harry Potter, the Hobbit, and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader.)

Twilight: _I want to go where they are going.  
Into the world they've been.  
Can I open up my mind enough to see...?  
_  
(Cut back to the two.)

Twilight: _Flight of dragons...  
Heavenly are the seas...  
Catch the wind...  
Rise out of sight!  
_Doug: _Flight of dragons...  
Pilots of fantasy.  
In the sky...  
Or in my mind...  
_Doug & Twilight: _Flight of dragons...  
Flight of dragons . . .  
_  
(They head back down as three dragons arrive in front of them.)

Doug: Hi!

(A purple dragon the size of Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo comes up with two dragons the size of the teens. One is gold and the other is black.)

Purple Dragon: Hi.  
Twilight: Hey. What's your name?  
Spike: Spike.  
Twilight: Hi Spike.  
Doug: So what's your name, big guy?  
Golden Dragon: Brian.  
Doug: Nice to meet ya.  
Hagrid: So who are you?  
Silver Dragon: Oh, the name's Roger. Ooh, this is so much fun! We never have visitors!  
Doug: We're just dropping off Amalthea here.  
Brian: Well... Any chance we could... Come with you?  
Doug: ... Is that allowed?  
Roger: Well we'd need to blend in of course, but no real rule saying we can't leave. Just that we can never come back in if we do... Which... Doesn't seem to be the case anymore. So who gives a darn?  
Doug: Okay... Um... Amalthea, before we go, could you?  
Amalthea: Of course.

(She turns Spike and Brian into dogs and Roger into a cat.)

Hagrid: Okay... I'll take Roger.  
Doug: Hey Brian, up for living with me, my pa, and our Cerberus also disguised as a dog.  
Brian: Sure.  
Twilight: You know Spike, I always wanted to befriend a dragon, and I also always wanted a dog.  
Spike: Cool.  
Amalthea: Farewell. We may yet meet again someday.

(Amalthea sends them back home.)

Doug: ... That was easy.  
Hagrid: Disgustingly so.  
Doug: I better go in and explain to Pa that I now have a pet dragon disguised as a dog, and that he can talk.

(Doug goes in.)

Hagrid: ... I better do the same.  
Twilight: Me too. Plus I've gotta get ready for school tomorrow.

(The two head off as the others stare.)

Chris: You know something? We could have just stayed home on Friday, and nothing would've been different.  
Pinkie: Yeah. Almost as if we were in a story and some guy had no real clue what to do with us.

(Chris and Pinkie turn to the reader.)

Applejack: Uh... What are y'all starring at?  
Chris: That low-flying plane.  
Applejack: Oh.

The End.


	5. Pinkie Pie Party

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 5: Pinkie Pie Party

(It opens as school lets out, and Pinkie walks around and sees Chris.)

Pinkie: Hey Chris, looking forward to reading that new issue of Superman?  
Chris: You know it!

(Pinkie then goes to Hagrid.)

Pinkie: Hey Hagrid, how's Roger?  
Hagrid: Doing great, Pinkie!

(Pinkie then goes to Doug.)

Pinkie: Hey Doug. How's Pa Fielder doing?  
Doug: Great, Pinkie! Thanks for asking!

(Pinkie walks on as she passes Discord.)

Pinkie: Bye Mr. Discord! See you tomorrow.  
Discord: Adieu for now, Pinkie.  
Luna: That girl is always so bright and chipper.

(Cut to Pinkie as she smiles brightly at the reader.)

Pinkie: _My name is Pinkie Pie (Hello!)  
And I am here to say (How ya doin'?)  
I'm gonna make you smile,  
And I will brighten up your day.  
_  
(Pinkie goes to Rarity and Sweetie Belle as they're bored senseless at the moment.)

Pinkie: _It doesn't matter now (What's up?)  
If you are sad or blue (Howdy!)  
'Cause cheering up my friends is just  
What Pinkie's here to do.  
_  
(She takes them onto Big Mac's truck, with his permission, as he drives them around as the two smile from the excitement.)

Pinkie: _'Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile (Yes I do)  
It fills my heart with sunshine all the while (Yes it does)  
'Cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile  
From these happy friends of mine.  
_  
(Pinkie then goes to the grade school to pick up Applebloom with Big Mac as she's playing jump rope with the others.)

Pinkie _I like to see you grin (Awesome!)  
I love to see you beam (Rock on!)  
The corners of your mouth turned up  
Is always Pinkie's dream (Fist-Bump!)  
_  
(She notices Applebloom looking sad as she isn't able to really jump rope that well, so Pinkie has her ride piggy back, and they jump rope together, making Applebloom smile.)

Pinkie: _But if you're kind of worried,  
And your face has made a frown,  
I'll work real hard and do my best  
To turn that sad frown upside down.  
_  
(They head over to Sweet Apple Acres after dropping off Rarity and Sweetie Belle as Pinkie keeps going. As they arrive at the barn, Pinkie helps Applejack and the others paint the barn, so that it shines as everyone smiles over a job well done.)

Pinkie: _'Cause I love to make you grin, grin, grin (Yes I do)  
Busted out from ear to ear, let it begin.  
Just give me a joyful grin, grin, grin,  
And you fill me with good cheer.  
_  
(Pinkie walks off and passes Fluttershy's place as she notices that one of her dogs passed away while she was at school.)

Pinkie: _It's true, some days are dark and lonely,  
And maybe you feel sad,  
But Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad.  
_  
(Pinkie goes to Fluttershy and helps her make a collage of her and the dog as she smiles from the nostalgia.)

Pinkie: _There's one thing that makes me happy  
And makes my whole life worthwhile,  
And that's when I talk to my friends and get them to smile.  
_  
(Pinkie passes Twilight, who's struggling with a bunch of books she borrowed from the library as Pinkie helps her carry them.)

Pinkie: _I really am so happy.  
Your smile fills me with glee.  
I give a smile, I get a smile,  
And that's so special to me  
_  
(Pinkie then goes by Rainbow Dash who's a little blue about all the homework, so Pinkie puts out her hand as Rainbow Dash takes it, shocking her, and the two laugh at the old classic.)

Pinkie: _'Cause I love to see you beam, beam, beam. (Yes I do)  
Tell me, what more can I say to make you see that I do?  
It makes me happy when you beam, beam, beam.  
Yes, it always makes my day.  
_  
(Everyone comes up and joins her on the way to the house, as they all smile and talk about their previous adventures.)

Pinkie: _Come on everybody smile, smile, smile!  
Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine.  
All I really need's a smile, smile, smile.  
From these happy friends of mine!  
Come on everybody smile, smile, smile!  
Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine.  
All I really need's a smile, smile, smile.  
From these happy friends of mine!  
Yes a perfect gift for me  
Is a smile as wide as a mile.  
To make me happy as can be,  
Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile!  
Come on and smile!  
Come on and smile!_

(They stop at her house, a two story building in relatively decent shape as a large middle aged woman with a sour look on her face.)

Pinkie: Hi Miss Prune. I haven't seen you in a while.  
Miss Prune: Yes. Well, I see you still live by yourself.  
Pinkie: No I don't. I live with Gummy.  
Miss Prune: What's Gummy?

(Gummy pops out of Pinkie's back pack and begins biting Pinkie's head as Miss Prune shrieks.)

Miss Prune: Oh my dear lord! A Crocodile!  
Pinkie: No he's not. He's an alligator. He's also got no teeth.

(Gummy bites all over before coming down to the ground.)

Miss Prune: Young lady, as I've said time and time again, you must really go to a children's home!  
Pinkie: Oh, silly. I'm already in one. I'm not eighteen yet, and this is my home, so it's a children's home. I don't know what it'll be when I'm eighteen, but at least for six years, it'll be a children's home.  
Miss Prune: Young lady, be assured, I will be back with the authorities as soon as possible.  
Pinkie: Can you make it tomorrow? I've got a lot of homework for tonight.

(Miss Prune walks off groaning.)

Pinkie: Such a nice lady.  
John: ... Who is she?  
Pinkie: Oh, this nice lady who's always checking in on me to make sure I'm okay.  
Chris: That's nice.  
Doug: Uh... Pinkie... She's going to bring the cops over here.  
Pinkie: Yeah, good thing it's Saturday! I'll be able to get the party ready! See you tomorrow!

(Pinkie hops inside with Gummy.)

Doug: ... Did I miss something?  
Rainbow Dash: Nope.

(Cut to tomorrow as the gang arrives with their families as Pinkie pops her head out.)

Pinkie: Hey everybody! Welcome to the party! Miss Prune and the others aren't here yet!  
Applejack: Well while we're waitin', Doug, Chris, John, meet my Granny Smith.

(Granny's asleep on Pinkie's chair.)

Applejack: Up'n'attem, Granny Smith.

(Granny wakes up.)

Granny: Eh? Wha? Oh, hey there, ya young whippersnappers. You mah granddaughter's new friends?  
Doug: Yes ma'am Mrs. Apple, and this is my Pa.  
Pa: Well hello there. Mote Fielder, at your service ma'am.  
Granny: Pleasure to meet ya, Mote.

(Miss Prune and two police officers come in.)

Fluttershy: Oh my.  
Miss Prune: Now, if you gentlemen will do your duty.

(Pinkie jumps up to them.)

Pinkie: Hi Officer Clem! Hey Officer Lem! You're just in time for the party. Oh, by the way, have you caught that fish yet?  
Clem: Oh, I'm afraid not. Thanks for asking though.

(They join the party as Miss Prune just stares in disbelief as Twilight gathers the others around.)

Twilight: Okay, just keep the police as distracted by the party as possible, and they won't take Pinkie away from here.  
Rarity: Absolutely!  
Hagrid: Wait a second. What's the big deal if Pinkie lives in a home?  
John: Rob, can you imagine Pinkie in a place like that?  
Hagrid: ... Huh. I actually can't. Alright.

(They go to the officers as Doug whispers to Pa and Applejack whispers to Granny who both nod.)

Pa: Hey Officers, did I ever tell you about how I got my trick ear?  
Clem: Oh no, Mr. Fielder.  
Pa: Well ya see-

(Pa and Granny wink at the kids as they go off to a corner, and Chris goes to Miss Prune.)

Chris: Hey Miss Prune, have you seen Doug's new dog?  
Doug: She doesn't need to see Brian, Chris.  
Chris: Well he's right there playing with Gummy.

(Brian is playing Gin with Gummy which Twilight quickly hides with a stereo.)

Miss Prune: Where?  
Doug: Behind the stereo. I'll get him.

(Doug goes to Brian and makes a gesture to show Brian to act like a dog as he brings Brian out.)

Doug: Meet Brian.

(Miss Prune doesn't seem interested.)

Doug: Okay boy, get back to playing with your new friend.

(Brian walks off, groaning at Miss Prune's crabby attitude.)

Hagrid: By the way, Pinkie, this is pretty elaborate for a party you decided to throw yesterday.  
Pinkie: No it's not. In fact, the guest of honor hasn't even arrived yet.  
Rarity: He hasn't?

(There's a knock as Pinkie hops up and down.)

Pinkie: He's here! He's here!

(Pinkie opens the door as a man in a major's uniform is there.)

Major: Hey Pinkie.  
Pinkie: DADDY! Happy Welcome Home for the Weekend!  
Applejack: Huh. Didn't see that one comin'.  
Pinkie: Everybody, this is my dad, Major Pie. Daddy, these are my friends. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Doug, Hagrid, Chris, John, Granny Smith, Pa Fielder, Big Mac, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Officers Clem and Lem, and Miss Prune.  
Major Pie: Hello. So where's Gummy?  
Pinkie: Oh, he's playing with Doug's dog, Brian.

(Gummy comes up with his gums clamped on Brian's ear as he lets go and begins chomping Pinkie's head again.)

Major Pie: Oh, the little fella.  
Miss Prune: Ah, Major Pie, I'd like to talk to you about-  
Major Pie: Hey Miss Prune. I haven't seen you in awhile. How's your dog?  
Miss Prune: Very good, sir, but-  
Pinkie: Hey Daddy! Let's keep going!

(They begin partying. Cut to the end of the day as everyone's heading out.)

Doug: Nice meeting you, sir.  
Major Pie: Same with you. See you around. Bye Brian.  
Brian: Bye- Uh-oh.  
Pinkie (giggling): Oh Daddy, you sly fool.

(Everyone chuckles and walks home as Miss Prune comes back when it's just the two of them.)

Miss Prune: Major Pie, don't you think your daughter needs some order in her life?  
Major Pie: Of course not. She can order it herself.  
Miss Prune: Oh, I give up.

(Miss Prune walks off.)

Pinkie: Bye Miss Prune!

The End.


	6. The Eyes of Alexander

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 6: The Eyes of Alexander

(It opens as Mr. and Mrs. Halbeisen, Pa, Big Mac, and Mr. Dash have finished up building a club house.)

Mr. Halbeisen: There you are, kids. To be honest, I think you've been watching too much Scooby-Doo, but we already got the talking dog with Brian, so why not go all the way?

Pa: Now you kids stay safe, now. There are a lot of bad people out there.

Big Mac: Eyup.

Mr. Dash: But we all trust that you can handle it at your age, but if you need help, we're all over town.

Big Mac: Eyup.

Mrs. Halbeisen: Is that all you can say?

Big Mac: Nope.

(They go to the clubhouse with the sign, "Asteroth Detective Agency: We Solve Cases Like Magic".)

Doug: ... Swell.

(They move several of Doug's toy weaponry from Power Rangers, Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, and Narnia into the place.)

Hagrid: Why are we bringing these in here?

Doug: Decoration, plus they can come in handy.

Chris: ... How?

Doug: Twi found some spell that allows a representation of something to actually become it, like those Lightsabers are real, except there's a safety that stops them from cutting through flesh, Twilight made up herself. I also got some phasers locked on stun, along with the blasters.

John: Well, looks like we're all set.

Doug: Almost.

(Doug takes out a fedora and puts it on.)

Doug: Always wanted to wear one of these ever since I saw The Man with Bogart's Face.

(He smiles and looks around.)

Doug (narrating): The office was just about ready for the private eye business, and so were we. It would basically be a good way to make some spending money and hold us over while Celestia, Luna, and Amalthea figured out any myths they wanted us to follow up on. The whole gang agreed, and our parents agreed to build a clubhouse for us to work outta.

(Derpy comes in.)

Derpy: Hey guys!

Doug: Ah!

Derpy: Ah! ... Um... I'm here about that notice you left on the school bulletin board.

Doug: Which notice, Derpy? We put in more than one.

Derpy: About a secretary.

Doug: Oh, I thought for a second you were a client. We get twenty dollars a day, plus candy expenses.

Derpy: So what does a secretary get?

Doug: Ten dollars a week plus a go at any and all candy expenses.

Derpy: Okay. Can my candy expenses be muffins?

Doug: Ask again when candy expenses come up.

Derpy: ... So do I get the job?

John: Well, we'll conference.

(The ten huddle together and talk.)

Rainbow Dash: Are you sure about this? Derpy's nice, but she's as clumsy as they come.

Fluttershy: Oh, but how can she do anything just by typing up letters and answering the phone?

Rarity: Right. She may be accident prone, but she's far from being that bad.

Applejack: Well, we agreed?

(They all nod their heads.)

Twilight: Welcome to the team, Derpy.

Pinkie: This is so great! We're gonna be like Mystery Inc!

Derpy: Whoo-hoo! ... Hey Doug, can I ask a question.

Doug: Shoot.

Derpy: Why are you wearing a fedora?

Doug: I'm a fan of that old movie The Man with Bogart's Face.

Derpy: Oh, okay. I've never seen it.

Doug: We'll stop by the video store during lunch break.

Derpy: You know what Doug?

Doug: What?

Derpy: I think this is gonna be the start of a beautiful friendship!

Doug: Sounds fine. Our first official day is tomorrow.

Derpy: Okay. See ya tomorrow!

Doug: Good night, Derpy.

Doug (narrating): More than a month of good nights went by. Derpy was a sweet kid that was built like Hayley Mills from the Parent Trap and made about as much sense as the Pink Elephants scene from Dumbo. The phone only rang a couple of times. An inquiry from the Canterlot Chamber of Commerce and a call from some brother of Twilight's saying he graduated the police academy. Derpy took down the message in short hand as best she could since she never got the hang of using a type writer. I guess it all started that spring night. For once, the groundhog saw his shadow, and it was the greenest February and March I ever saw. When...

Miss Prune: Eh-hem.

Everyone: AH!

(The kids looked up to see Miss Prune there.)

Doug (narrating): It was Miss Prune. From what I heard since the move, she was in charge of almost everything in town. She was built like Polly Harrington in Pollyanna, and she had about the same disposition.

Miss Prune: Hello.

Pinkie: Hi, Miss Prune! Want a donut?

Miss Prune: I don't eat sugary foods.

Hagrid: Is this business, or what, Prune?

Miss Prune: Business, of course.

Doug: In that case, we get twenty dollars a day plus candy expenses.

Miss Prune: Fine. My dog's missing. I went to City Hall for the Women of Canterlot meeting, and when I was back, Thomas was gone. Here's a picture.

(She handed them a photograph of a Great Dane with Miss Prune.)

Doug (narrating): Thomas photographed like Ace the Bathound. Miss Prune photographed like a Victorian aristocrat, but then again, that's what she looked like.

Miss Prune: Can you kids find him?

Chris: Well it's a big town, but then again this is a big dog.

Miss Prune: True. Now, I realize this may take time, so I'll still pay your twenty dollars a day, but I expect an update by the end of the week, at most.

Twilight: Sounds fine, ma'am. Anywhere Ace liked to go?

Miss Prune: Just his dog house, and nothing there looked out of place.

Applejack: We'll start searching 'round the neighborhood. Little feller probably caught sight of a car worth chasin'.

Miss Prune: I hope not. Well good luck.

(Just then the phone rings as Doug answers it.)

Doug: Asteroth Detective Agency.

Girl (statically): Oh Doug, thank heavens you're there. I need your help.

Doug: Tina?

Tina: Yes.

Doug: You lucked out. The friend's price is ten dollars a day plus candy expenses.

Tina: Doug, please, I don't know where to turn.

Doug: Just turn around, Tina. Now what's the case?

Tina: Not over the phone. Please, can you be at the high school stadium in half an hour?

Doug: Sure thing. Anything going on in there?

Tina: No.

Doug: Sounds like a private party, then.

Tina: I'll be in the center section of the lower bowl. Please hurry.

Doug: Right. Half-an-hour.

(Doug hangs up.)

Doug (narrating): She sounded desperate and frightened. Tina was in my Home Ec class along with Applejack and Pinkie.

(Doug grabs a few phasers and hands them out to the gang as they all pocket them.)

Doug: Operation McDuck?

Hagrid: ... I don't know what that means!

Twilight: All we need is a bag of peanuts.

(Cut to them walking out.)

Doug (narrating): Well this was it. Clients. Cases. Danger. Adventure. Just like an episode of Scooby-Doo or Fillmore. A place where there were clues that lead you to where the good guys and bad guys were. Where you could settle things with a Monkeys song and a clever trap. Where there were things worth fighting for, even though you were just a kid in middle school. With our phasers and a bag of peanuts, we were all set.

(They arrive at the bowl.)

Doug (narrating): Tina was exactly where she said she'd be, and Twilight and I launched Operation McDuck.

(Doug and Twilight chew on the peanuts with the phasers hidden in their coat pockets. They walk down the stairs, dropping the peanut shells as they go, arriving at Tina, though there seems to still be a crunching sound.)

Doug: Peanut, Tina?

Tina: Thank you.

Doug: That's okay. We got plenty.

Tina: No, I meant about coming here.

Doug: No problem. So, what's your last name?

Tina: Borst. I saw your ad on the notice board.

Doug: Fair enough. So what's the caper?

Tina: It's my grandfather. He's been acting strangely. Upset, unstable.

John: Sounds like the old boy needs a doctor, not a group of preteen detectives.

Tina: No, he's been getting phone calls, and he's been followed by several men.

Rainbow Dash: Does he owe any bills or something?

Hagrid: Wife trouble, maybe?

Tina: No, Papa's a widower and a retired prop man in motion pictures.

Chris: Oh. Hey, this place would be great for a Dr. Pepper sign, wouldn't it?

Tina: ... Uh... I suppose.

Twilight: You know places like this are designed to have superb acoustics.

Tina: Yeah, I know. About my grandfather-

Doug: Right, what's his name?

Tina: Horst.

Hagrid: Horst Borst?

Tina: Yeah, that's right.

Hagrid: I'd hate to find out what he went through in school.

Doug: Now these men who've been following him, do any of them look like the guy who's been creeping up the aisle towards us?

Tina: What guy?

Doug: He's been crawling over the peanut shells Twilight and I have been leaving behind for the last few minutes.

(Doug puts his hand in his jacket and holds the phaser out from there.)

Doug: Stand right up, pal, and make yourself known.

(The man stands up in a blue three-piece suit and a blue knitted ski mask.)

Chris: ... Ha-ha! You look silly.

Doug: Alright, we've each got something to defend ourselves. Wanna negotiate?

Pal: I don't think so. Look behind ya.

Doug: Yeah, right. That trick's older than FDR's grandpa.

FDR's grandpa: Meet FDR's grandpa.

(They turn to see another man in a business suit with a similar ski-mask.)

Doug: My, what a lot of guns.

Pal: Yeah. Put yours down on the seat. You wouldn't want the lady or any of your friends to be hurt.

Doug: I wouldn't want anybody to get hurt.

(Doug pulls out the phaser and sets it down.)

Pal: Very funny, kid. Now you're gonna stand for a frisk.

Doug: Sure.

Pal: Miss Borst, you get up in the next row.

Doug: Do it.

(She does so as Pal comes up when John knocks Pal out, and Doug grabs the phaser and blasts FDR's grandpa into unconsciousness as he pockets it, but Pal's already run off, and FDR's grandpa looks like he isn't going anywhere, so he takes some tape and uses it to tie him down where he is before he joins the others with Tina.)

Doug: I think it's safe to say we'll take the case.

Tina: Thank you, all of you.

Doug: There's just one condition. You let me, John, and Twilight do the thinking for the whole group.

Tina: Deal.

(They head to Tina's house.)

Doug: Say, your grandpa work on any John Wayne pictures?

Tina: I'm not sure. He was a teenager during World War II.

Doug: Oh. I was just asking 'cause my dad's a huge John Wayne fan. Has this huge collection of DVDs.

Tina: Oh. I'll ask him and see if he can get your dad something.

Doug: Thanks.

(They pass a black car as a horn honks, and they turn to see a gun out there as a shot hits the window.)

Doug: Tina, get down! Applejack, John, Rainbow Dash, with me!

(The four rush in and hold phasers and blasters out and turn to see an elderly man lying on a chair, bleeding over the area of the heart when a man turns, and they blast him into unconsciousness as Tina runs in.)

Tina: Papa? Papa!

(She sees the wound.)

Tina: PAPA!

Horst Borst: Ein... Schlac...

(Borst dies.)

Doug: What'd he say?

Tina: I'm not really sure, but I think he said Ein Schlack. I'm hit. Papa! Papa!

Applejack: I'm sorry, Tina, but it's too late ta help him now.

Doug: Tina, I'm gonna call the police, you try and keep calm, and we'll do all the talking.

Tina: Okay.

(Cut to the police arriving.)

Doug (narrating): In short order, the police were there, along with half of the town's news team. Twilight's dad, Chief Sparkle was in charge of the case, with officers Clem and Lem. Chief Sparkle looked like Andy Griffith while Clem and Lem looked like Floyd the barber if he was a twin.

(The news people shoot photos of everyone when Chief Sparkle comes up.)

Chief Sparkle: Alright, alright, that's enough. Everybody not involved in this case, out.

(Everyone does so as an officer brings a pair of guns to Clem and Lem.)

Clem: Hey there, are these the guns from the bowl?

Doug: They were the only guns there, so if you found them there, it's a big 10-4.

Chief Sparkle: Add them to the collection, guys. (To the kids) Well the party's over. Stop by headquarters tomorrow morning, and try not to get into trouble before then.

Twilight: We'll try, Dad.

Doug: What about the guy taped to the ground?

Chief Sparkle: They didn't find anything there.

Hagrid (sarcastically): Swell.

(The cops head out.)

Doug (narrating): Fluttershy gave Tina a couple of sleeping pills, told her we'd see her tomorrow, and put her to bed. Then we went home for the night, but not before looking at the place where Horst Borst had died. I can't speak for the others, but I knew that the old guy's death was practically burned into my subconscious whenever I looked at that old chair.

(Cut to the gang returning to the club house.)

Doug (narrating): The next morning, we ran a couple of errands and took a quick look around Prune's neighborhood for Thomas. We then went to see Chief Sparkle. He told us the KO'd gunman's name was Joe Canko, plus a lot of AKAs. He was still waiting for prints on the guns Pal and FDR's grandpa were using. After that, we stopped by the local donut shop and headed to the clubhouse where Derpy already was.

(They run into Miss Prune.)

Miss Prune: You find Thomas yet?

Hagrid: Not yet, Miss Prune, but we can tell you he isn't on your street.

Miss Prune: Well at least you're narrowing the search.

Pinkie: See? I knew there was something to be glad for.

(Miss Prune grunts and walks off as they enter the club house where Derpy's there.)

Derpy: Hey guys! How are you?

Doug: Fine, and here. These are for you.

(Doug hands her the box as she opens it to reveal several muffins.)

Derpy: Aw, guys, thank you.

Doug: No problem.

Derpy: That was a great picture of you in the paper! You guys are famous now!

(Doug looks at a group shot of them from the night before.)

John: Not bad.

Derpy: Hey guys, mind if I dress up this room with my favorite movie duo?

Doug: Who are they?

Derpy: Bert and Ernie.

Doug: Go right ahead, Derpy.

(Derpy pulls out a picture of Bert and Ernie from Follow That Bird.)

Derpy: Oh, also a lady came to see you, so I let her into your office.

Doug: Okay.

(They head in as they see a woman in her mid twenties in an expensive white dress.)

Doug (narrating): She looked a little like Yvong Craig from Batman. Black hair, subtly red lips with teeth a little too large and long, lovely legs.

Woman: The agency, I presume. I've come to you because I'm quite desperate.

Chris: You must be to talk to a bunch of kids like us.

Woman: I'm prepared to offer you five hundred dollars.

John: We're prepared to accept it.

Gina: I'm Gina Enastis. My father is Alexander Enastis, your parents might've heard about him.

Pinkie: Oh, yeah. Daddy told me about him. He's a big Navy Commodore from Greece who became a shipping tycoon.

Doug: Hey ma'am, ever seen a Great Dane around the neighborhood before?

Gina: Afraid not.

Doug: That's another case anyhow. Tell me about your case.

Gina: There are some photographs.

Hagrid: There always are.

Gina: Please.

Doug: Sorry. Me and my pals have been watching detective movies for a few nights. Go ahead.

Gina: It was at a party. There was a handsome athletic fellow. I... I can't remember very much. He must've put something in my drink. Then I woke up in this horrible motel. They'd taken pictures.

Doug: "They"?

Gina: Yes, there were others Cane of Cane's Club has possession of the pictures.

Doug: How much do they want and when?

Gina: Ten thousand dollars, today.

Pinkie: That's oddly specific. What about tomorrow or next month?

Gina: They promised to-

John: They always do.

Doug: You got the ten grand on you?

Gina: Yes, but I thought that if you came with me, it might scare them. I wouldn't want my father to find out about this.

Doug: Sure, ma'am. We'll go along.

(Gina drives them out to Cane's Club.)

Gina: According to the papers, you shot a man last night.

Doug: Two men.

Gina: Were you protecting your friends?

Doug: We were protecting each other.

(They arrive at Cane's Club as Doug knocks and a huge man comes out.)

Chris: Oh my! A building with hair!

Hagrid: Oh... Chris.

Building with Hair: The lady's expected. You brats aren't.

John: It's a package deal, sir.

Building with Hair: Okay kids, you can come as far as the next door.

John: We'll think it over.

(They go in and approach the door.)

Doug (narrating): Cane's Club smelled of stale alcohol. The place hadn't been swept out from the night before. Or the week before for that matter.

Rainbow Dash: Where's Petey Cane?

Building with Hair: Mr. Cane's in his office. The lady enters, and you kids don't.

John: I'll think it over.

Building with Hair: Yeah, you think it over.

Gina: But I thought that we were going in togeth-

Doug: Go in. We'll be fine out here.

(She goes in as the group looks around.)

John: Quite a place Cane's got here.

Building with Hair: Yeah, we like it.

John: A little lax on cleaning, but I suppose your customers don't care.

Building with Hair: Yeah.

(John then punches the man out as they go in.)

John: I thought it over.

(They arrive at Cane's desk with Gina, Cane, and another goon. Gina's holding a folder.)

Hagrid: Huh. I thought this was the men's room.

Rainbow Dash: Dude, that joke doesn't work with us here.

Hagrid: Doesn't it?

Rainbow Dash: No.

Hagrid: Doesn't it?!

Rainbow Dash: No!

Hagrid: ... Okay.

Cane: Where's Ralph?

John: Thinking things over.

Cane: It's not like the good old days. It's tough finding good help, today.

Applejack: Aint that the truth.

Goon: You want me to get 'em out of here, Mr. Cane?

Cane: No, I'll tell you when. I've come across people like this before.

John: And vice-versa.

Rainbow Dash: Got your ten Gs?

Cane: Yeah, right here.

Doug: So, those the pictures you paid for, ma'am?

(Gina nods her head.)

Doug: Open it and make sure.

(Gina opens the envelope and looks inside, being careful not to show the others.)

Gina: They're all here.

(Doug takes it and rips the folder in half before he pulls out a Blaster.)

Doug: Now listen and listen good, you rotten punk, and you too, Jock, if any of us hear that you've been bothering Miss Enastis, or if any more of these pictures turn up, we'll bring in the authorities and see how long this place of yours stays open.

(Gina looks as Doug punches her out. Applejack knocks out Jock, and John knocks out Cane.)

Doug (narrating): It came down to this. For a few minutes, we were the only ones awake in the room.

(Doug pulls out the pictures as they all look at them. Cut to later as they head out.)

Gina: Why did you hit me?

Doug: I'll tell you later. The money's in your purse, and you won't be bothered again.

(A man comes up behind and knocks all the kids out.)

Gina: Ah!

(Cut to a lavish room as the gang wakes up.)

Doug (narrating): In movies, TV, and radio, when a guy gets socked, he'd be perfectly fine by the time he woke up. That's not how it is in real life.

Commodore: You're a fool, Jeeves. You almost killed them.

Doug (narrating): It's like Orson Welles tap dancing on your head while you're still conscious. It's the gun shot that gave Pa his trick ear, and that's what it is.

(They all get up as Gina's there with a rotund man and a well built woman.)

Doug: I've been on boats before, but I never got piped aboard like this.

Commodore: I am Alexander Enastis. I really apologize to you children.

John: That fixes everything but our heads.

Commodore: This is my wife Teresa.

Rarity: Charmed.

Applejack: And we already ran into that crazy butler of yours.

Commodore: Jeeves is my man.

John: Your man almost broke our heads open.

Commodore: He was under the impression that he was assisting Gina.

John: So were we.

Commodore: Yes. You care to tell me why she came to you?

John: It's okay to tell him, isn't it, Gina?

(Gina says nothing as John stands up.)

John: She asked us to find an old school chum of hers. Um... Vaser, wasn't it; or was it Benington?

Gina: Benington.

John: That's it. Elsa Benington. The old girl ran away from home. Had some very bad problems. I got a tip that the chum was a dancer at Petey Cane's Club. She wasn't. That's it.

Commodore: I thank you and your friends Mr...

John: Brown. John Brown.

Chris: Hey, look at all this stuff.

(They turn to a series of cases holding several things.)

Doug (narrating): The Commodore had a collection that rivaled Fajio's collection from The Man with the Most Toys.

Commodore: I have a passion for collecting, Mr. Brown.

John: Yeah? So does my friend, Doug.

Commodore: You know, these items are priceless. One of Isabelle's diamond rings. Napoleon's hat.

John: We don't need a tour, Commodore.

Commodore: Fair enough. You are welcomed to see this any time you want a real tour. Unfortunately, I won't be able to see these artifacts or anything much longer, I'm going blind, you see.

Chris: ... Well, you're taking it oddly well.

Doug: ... Isn't there-?

Commodore: Thank you for asking, Mr. Halbeisen, but nothing can prevent it. No power on Earth or Heaven.

Doug: That's too bad, Commodore. How'd you know my name?

Commodore: Oh, the article this morning.

Doug: Man, word spreads like a wild fire here.

Commodore: Quite. I've built an empire children, and I shall live to see it fade into nothingness soon. Too soon.

John: Well enjoy it while you can, Commodore. We've got to get going. Haven't built our empire yet.

Commodore: I'm in your debt, children. If I can ever be of service, please call on me.

Doug: You can start by telling us how off the Queen Marry.

Rarity: So Mrs. Enastis, it's been nice meeting you, and did anyone ever tell you that you look like Yvonne D'Carlo?

Mrs. Enastis: No, actually.

(They nod and head off.)

John: Oh, one more thing.

(John grabs a vase and slams it into Jeeves' head.)

John: Now we're even.

(They leave the room. Cut to outside as they're at a mansion on the edge of a lake as they arrive at familiar territory when Gina gives them ten thousand dollars.)

Doug: Ten thousand dollars? Ma'am, I don't think we can eat that much candy... Aside from maybe Pinkie.

Gina: Consider the rest a retainer. You kids be safe now.

Doug: Always are.

Gina: If I'm ever free, I'd like to take you kids out to a movie or something for being so sweet.

Doug: Talk to our parents first, and we'll think it over.

Gina: I will, and thanks for that beautiful lie you told about my old school chum.

John: It wasn't easy, Gina. I don't even know if anything's named Vaser.

(They head off. Cut to the clubhouse as they pass Miss Prune again.)

Miss Prune: Find Thomas yet?

Doug: We've ruled out your neighborhood.

Miss Prune: For goodness sakes, where could that dog be?

Doug: Search me.

(They go in as Derpy's chin is covered in chocolate from the muffins.)

Doug: Hey Derpy.

Derpy: Oh, guys! A guy named Mr. Zebra is in there waiting for ya!

Doug: Alright. Get Tina on the phone while we're in there. I wanna see how she's doing.

Derpy: Okay.

(They go into the office as a rotund man in a white suit is there.)

Twilight: Mr. Zebra, I presume.

Mr. Zebra: Indeed.

Doug: Have a couch, Mr. Zebra.

(Zebra sits down.)

Mr. Zebra: Children, have you ever heard of the Eyes of Alexander?

Doug: No.

Mr. Zebra: But you have heard of twenty-five thousand dollars.

Doug: Yes. What's one got to do with the other?

Mr. Zebra: I am prepared to pay you twenty-five thousand dollars if you deliver to me the Eyes of Alexander.

Pinkie: Alexander who?

Mr. Zebra: Why the Great, of course.

Hagrid: Oh, of course.

Mr. Zebra: Well?

Applejack: Well what?

Mr. Zebra: Is it acceptable.

Doug: It might be. Say Alexander the Great's been dead for a long time, right?

Mr. Zebra: Of course. Over twenty-three hundred years.

Doug: Then what kinda shape do you expect his eyes to be in?

Mr. Zebra: Not his real eyes, of course.

Doug: Oh, of course.

Mr. Zebra: The eyes of the statue of Alexander.

Doug: Oh, those eyes.

Mr. Zebra: Of course.

Rainbow Dash: You know, if you keep saying of course enough times, you'll sound silly.

Mr. Zebra (chuckling): Of course.

Rainbow Dash: That's what I mean.

John: So the Eyes of Alexander. What are they made of again?

Mr. Zebra: Sapphires, Mr. Brown. I get the distinct impression that you children know much more than you reveal.

Doug: Well we have seen the Man with Bogart's Face a lot.

Mr. Zebra: Of course-

Rainbow Dash: Stop that!

Mr. Zebra: Well, here is my card.

(Zebra hands the card to Twilight.)

Mr. Zebra: I have retained an answering service. Please call me when you are ready to complete the transaction. And as you Americans say, the sooner the better.

Twilight: That's what we Americans say alright.

Mr. Zebra: I thank you, and I bid you good day.

Rarity: Same to you.

(Zebra walks out as Doug picks up the phone.)

Doug: Hey Tina. Me and the gang will come by with a few pizzas later. (Pause) No problem. Bye.

(Doug hangs up. Cut to Tina's house as the gang arrives with the pizzas when Chief Sparkle pulls up.)

Chief Sparkle: Hey kids!

(They turn to Chief Sparkle.)

Chief Sparkle: This your new clubhouse?

Twilight: That joke isn't funny, Dad.

Chief Sparkle: You're right. Stun anybody today?

Doug: Not yet, sir, but it's early.

Chief Sparkle: Just be careful with those things, alright?

Doug: We hear ya. Any prints on the 38s?

Chief Sparkle: No clear prints on either piece. Now you kids stay safe, and remember if things get too hairy.

Doug: We'll call you. We know. Say, you seen Prune's dog anywhere?

Chief Sparkle: Not a peak.

Doug: Thanks anyway, sir.

Chief Sparkle: So long, kids.

Twilight: So long, Dad.

(They go inside.)

Doug (narrating): We had the pizzas in the dining room. The conversation was sparse until I asked if anybody called, or if anything unusual happened that day. That's when Tina remembered...

Doug: What letter?

Tina: From Papa and addressed to him.

(Doug grabs it.)

Doug: Post marked yesterday. Are you sure it's his handwriting?

Tina: Yes, but it doesn't make sense. It's some sort of a poem.

Doug: "Under the tramp of marching feet. Under the beat of daring drum. Follow the tree beneath the post. Age will show the way to go. To a stone, a stone, high or low."

John: That's tougher than the Musgrave Ritual.

Tina: What's the Musgrave Ritual?

John: A Sherlock Holmes story. There was a movie about it called Sherlock Holmes Faces Death.

Tina: Oh.

John: Did your grandfather gamble? Maybe involved in narcotics?

Tina: No. He was a quiet man. A very private sort of person.

Applejack: When did he come to the USA?

Tina: After the war.

Doug: World War II?

Tina: Yes.

Doug: ... Tina... Was he a Hitler Youth?

Tina: ... Yes...

Doug: Don't say anything to anybody about this letter. It'll be our little secret.

Twilight: We better get along.

Tina: Doug...

(Tina and Doug kiss before parting.)

Tina: You know your pizza.

Doug: Yeah, and your taste in tomatoes isn't bad either.

Rainbow Dash: Oh for the love of Pete.

(Cut to the gang at the clubhouse.)

Doug (narrating): We decided we might as well go back to the clubhouse. It was easier to think over the letter there than any of our homes. Two hours later, we were working through the letter without results. We decided to give ourselves a break and look at something besides Horst Borst's riddle. There wasn't much to look at. The neighborhood didn't really have any businesses that anyone would spend time at before heading home.

(They look out a window and see a man in a familiar suit looking at them as they wave, and he walks off.)

Chris: That was ominous.

(There's a bump at the side of the shack mixed with Fluffy barking as they grab a weapon and head out.)

Doug (narrating): Maybe it was rats or something. Two legged rats. Like Pal and FDR's grandpa. We headed around the corner where the noise was come from.

(They go out and turn around as Fluffy is there with a Great Dane that could only be Thomas.)

Doug: Oh, I see. A bit of a star-crossed lovers thing.

Applejack: That was an easy end to that case.

(They go back inside.)

Doug (narrating): About a half hour later, we were just about ready to call it a day, and then...

(Gina comes in.)

Gina: Your parents think I can be trusted with you.

Doug: ... Well that was random.

Gina: I figured on taking you kids to that movie. Anything you wanna see?

Doug: Not right now.

Gina: Then how about a dinner on me?

Doug: Sounds fine. We're just racking our brains trying to figure out this riddle. A letter from a dead man.

Gina: Mr. Borst?

Hagrid: Yeah. Old Horst Borst, and the letter's as screwy as his name.

(Doug pockets the letter.)

Applejack: So, that dinner?

Gina: Of course.

Doug: Swell.

(Gina drives them off as another car follows them.)

Doug (narrating): I was so caught off guard by her arrival, that I didn't notice that right now we were being tailed. We headed up Chestnut to Main Street. We headed east towards Sugar Cube Corner. We never did get there.

(They stop at a wax museum.)

Pinkie: Hey, the wax museum! It's still open. Ya wanna go in?

Doug: Gina?

Gina: Sure.

(They walk past the ticket booth.)

Gina: But we didn't pay yet.

Doug: Pa and the owner of this place are war buddies. You're with me, Mom, or Pa, you get in free.

(They go in and look around the museum as the car pulls up with a figure in it. Cut to the wax museum as they go through the pop culture exhibits when they arrive at an old man in a turban.)

Doug: Hey Spoony.

Spoony: Oh, Doug. Good to see you. How's Mote.

Doug: He's doing as fine as ever. Oh, Miss Enastis, this is Spoony Singh. He owns all this.

Spoony: Beautiful lady. I hope she's your babysitter.

Doug: Just paying us back for some help we gave her this morning. We were in the neighborhood and decided to take a quick tour.

Spoony: Enjoy yourselves. Be sure to go through the House of Mirrors. Our newest attraction.

Doug; We'll do that, sir.

(Spoony disappears in a puff of smoke.)

Doug: Quite a showman, huh?

Rainbow Dash: Hey, that Noah Antwiler guy on YouTube uses the same name as him.

Doug: Quite a coincidence.

(They walk around, looking at the figures as they arrive at the House of Mirrors.)

Doug: Hey guys, whoever makes it out first gets a donut from whoever comes out last.

Rainbow Dash: Aw yeah!

Hagrid: Oh no.

(Rainbow Dash zooms in as the others follow and walk around. Gina eventually meets up with one of the thugs from last night holding a gun as she screams and rushes off as the thug shoots a window. The others quickly follow the noise, but only end up at the entrance, one by one, except Doug.)

John: Where's Doug?!

(Cut to inside as Doug meets up with the thug.)

Doug: Where's your playmate?

FDR's grandpa: This one's on me.

(He shoots as Doug dodges and pulls out a phaser. Cut to outside as Spoony runs up.)

Spoony: What the hell's going on in there?!

Rainbow Dash: Some nut in there is trying to shoot at us, and Doug's still in there too!

Spoony: I'll call Mote and the police! You kids stay here!

(Spoony rushes to the phone. Cut to inside as Doug continues looking around as the thug is doing the same when Doug meets up with him.)

Doug: So you Pal or FDR's grandpa.

FDR's grandpa: I'm the guy you creased last night.

(FDR's grandpa shoots as Doug dodges and blasts him with the phaser, knocking him into a mirror with enough force to break it, sending the remains all around FDR's grandpa.)

Doug: Oh geez!

(Doug manages to get out, in a slight daze as the others go to him.)

Doug (narrating): By the time I got out of the house of mirrors, it was in sore need of construction work.

Spoony: Doug, are you alright?

Doug: Fine. Twi, you called your dad?

Twilight: No, Spoony did.

Doug: Thanks, sir.

(Pa arrives with Mr. and Mrs. Halbeisen, Chief Sparkle, and Clem and Lem.)

Doug (narrating): The meds started scooping up FDR's grandpa. No one recognized what was left of his face. Twi persuaded her dad to keep Gina out of it. It wasn't all that hard when he realized who her father was. Of course when a guy comes gunning for me, Mom and Dad were a bit riled up.

Mrs. Halbeisen: Doug, are you sure you're alright?

Doug: I'm fine, Mom. Lucky for me the guy was a lousy shot.

Mrs. Halbeisen: That's it. You're giving up this wild goose chase club of yours.

Doug: Mom, I can't quit right in the middle of something.

Mr. Halbeisen: ... Just try to be careful for once. For goodness' sake, Doug, that could have been you carried out on that stretcher!

Doug: I know. I've got this under control. Trust me.

Pa: He's right. If it wasn't here, he'd have just gotten tired of waiting and get him at the house.

Mrs. Halbeisen: ... I must be nuts for letting this go on, but from now on, you're not leaving the area without Pa, me, or your dad after dark.

Doug: Fair enough.

Chief Sparkle: So, are you alright, Twilight?

Twilight: I'm fine too, Dad. We're all fine, if a little frazzled.

Chief Sparkle: Alright.

(Cut to Doug's room as he's looking at the letter.)

Doug (narrating): It had been a long enough day, and I'd had enough of Horst Borst. I'd go over the riddle tomorrow with everyone else. Or at least try to.

(Doug hides the letter in a Star Wars Watch Tin and turns in for the night. Cut to the next morning as Derpy comes into the office.)

Derpy: Hey guys! This just came by messenger!

(Doug grabs the letter and opens it.)

Derpy: Should I have given him something?

Twilight: Who?

Derpy: The messenger.

Hagrid: Given him what?

Derpy: I don't know.

Pinkie: Me neither.

(Doug opens the letter.)

Doug: "I would appreciate an hour of your time. Please be at the Canterlot Hotel swimming pool at eleven am. Signed Mustifur Hakim."

(He then pulls out five hundred dollars from the envelope.)

Derpy: Wow. Look at all that money.

Doug: With all the money that's pouring in, I think you can expect a big first week bonus, pal.

Derpy: Aw, you don't have to.

Doug: That's what friends are for.

(Cut to them arriving at the hotel as they meet up with a blond woman in a blue sundress.)

Woman: Children. Mr. Hakim sent me.

Hagrid: That was very friendly of him.

Chris: She's twice our age, dude! When we're twenty-four, she'll be like forty-eight!

John: Chris... There are so many things wrong with that last sentence that I don't even know where to start.

Cynthia: My name is Cynthia Ashley. Follow me, please.

(They walk to the hotel.)

Doug (narrating): She was perfect. Everything about her. Too perfect. She looked like a Barbie Doll brought to life.

Hagrid: So, what do you do for Mr. Hakim?

Cynthia: I am Mr. Hakim's personal secretary.

Hagrid: Uh-huh. Does your boss live here in Canterlot?

Cynthia: No. We travel extensively, but Mr. Hakim maintains several bungalows throughout the States.

John: Doesn't everybody?

(They go into Hakim's bungalow as a young blond man with blue eyes sits on a blue sofa.)

Doug (narrating): Mustifur Hakim reminded me of how Blue Rangers were portrayed in the early days of Power Rangers, an obsession with the color blue even before becoming a ranger. Except he took it a bit too far. Maybe it was a reflection from the room or that blue outfit of his, but I'm darned if he didn't look blue himself.

Hakim: So good of you to come.

John: Couldn't resist the invitation.

Hagrid: The green one.

Hakim: Mr. Zindernef, would you join us?

(A very old, gray-haired German with a false arm comes in.)

Doug (narrating): Zindernef looked like Kenneth Mars from Young Frankenstein. Right down to the wooden arm.

(The man stands at attention as Doug just stares.)

Hakim: My I offer you children a drink?

Doug: What kinda drinks do ya got?

Hakim: Various sodas and juices. Mr. Zindernef?

Zindernef: The usual.

(Hakim nods to Cynthia as she walks to a refrigerator and shows the gang the selection as they take a soda or a juice as Zindernef takes a beer.)

Doug: Are you Greek, Mr. Hakim? There seems to be an awful lot of Greeks around lately.

Hakim: Hardly. I'm Turkish.

John: Never saw a Turk with blue eyes.

Hakim: My mother was not Turkish.

Chris: That's a coincidence. Neither is mine.

Hakim: Children, I believe in coming directly to the point. So much precious time is wasted in this world.

Doug: Yeah? Well on a Sunday afternoon, my time isn't all that precious.

John: By the way, aren't you having something cool?

Hakim: I rarely drink or smoke. Now children, you'll find that I'm a candid man.

(He holds up a finger as Cynthia walks off.)

Hakim: The question is, have you ever heard of the Eyes of Alexander?

Doug: We're pretty candid ourselves with a cool soda in my hand. The answer is yes.

Hakim: Are you acquainted with the history of the eyes?

Doug: Only what was said in The Man with Bogart's Face. That they were once part of a statue and worth a lot of money.

Hakim: That Mr. Halbeisen is the understatement of the ages.

John: That's about all we know for sure.

Hakim: Volumes could be written on the subject. Permit me to summarize briefly, as my ironically named counterpart did in the film you just mentioned.

Doug: Go ahead.

Hakim: In 334BC, Alexander of Macedonia commissioned a bust of himself to be sculpted. The eyes of the statue were to be the most perfectly matched blue sapphires in the world. The search for the sapphires began.

Fluttershy: Excuse me, but when did it end?

Hakim: Nearly ten years later. One of the sapphires came from Salome, the other from Kashmir, but by then, Alexander lay on his death bed in Babylon. According to legend, the bust with the blue sapphire eyes was the last thing on Earth Alexander ever saw.

Applejack: Dang...

Hakim: But that was only the beginning of the history of the statue. The bust become part of a succession of companies. Romans, Sols, Cols, Huns, Franks, Ottomans. After nearly two thousand years, the statue was in the possession of Ali Basha. A band of Greek renegades stole the bust from him and smuggled it into Greece. There it remained for more than a hundred years. Then the Germans invaded.

John: Blitzkrieg, huh, Zindernef?

Zindernef: Ja.

Hakim: Mr. Zindernef spent some time in Greece during the war.

John: I'd wager he was wearing gray with a crooked cross on his armband.

Hakim: General Zindernef found out where the statue was hidden. He managed to secure the bust, smash it to pieces, remove the sapphires, and hide them only hours prior to the Ally takeover.

Doug: A bit of post war insurance, huh?

Hakim: The general was convicted as a war criminal. He served seventeen years.

Twilight: Wow. That's longer than the Third Reich lasted.

Hakim: In 1963, Zindernef returned to Greece. He met a nephew who served under him during the occupation. The nephew had gone to the United States and was now working on an American film being shot partially in Greece.

Hagrid: And I'll bet the nephew was a prop man who served under the general as a teenager and had the unfortunate name of Horst Borst.

Hakim: Because of his record, Zindernef knew he would have a difficult time smuggling out the sapphires.

Hagrid: But Horst Borst wouldn't in one of his prop boxes.

Hakim: That was the plan.

Applejack: And it worked?

Hakim: Up to a point. Borst and the sapphires left Greece. Unfortunately, Zindernef did not.

John: What detained the ex-general?

Hakim: He was recognized by one of the Greeks from the occupation. An argument ensued, and then violence. Zindernef stabbed the Greek in the throat with a fork.

Chris & Pinkie: Ei.

Fluttershy: Oh... My...

Rainbow Dash: Back in the slammer, huh Zindernef? And all this time, Horst Borst is sitting on those hot rocks back in the good old US of A.

Hakim: Now I inquire, are you currently in the employ of the commodore?

Doug: Our answer is that we are not, currently. We're just a group of kids trying to help people find things they're looking for.

Hakim: Good answer. Very good.

Doug: Glad you like it.

Hakim: Children, I am prepared to pay you the sum of a hundred thousand dollars for the Eyes of Alexander.

Doug: We'll think it over.

Hakim: One hundred thousand-

John: We heard you. It's the best offer we've had so far.

(Doug goes to Zindernef.)

Doug: Hey Zindernef, you ever talked to a guy who might have made a movie called The Man with Bogart's Face? That back story's identical to the story you told Hakim.

Zindernef: The story of my recapture may have reached beyond Greece.

(There's a knock on the door.)

Hakim: Come in.

(The door opens as Cynthia brings in Mr. Zebra as he sees the children.)

Hakim: Ah, these youngsters were just leaving. Children, Mr. Zebra.

Mr. Zebra: Pleased to meet you.

Rarity: Pleasure's all mine.

(They walk out.)

Doug (narrating): From the looks on the gang's faces, we were all feeling flushed. People were shoving money at us from every direction. All we had to do was figure out how to find the Eyes of Alexander, and who would try to kill us next.

(They return to the clubhouse as Derpy's there.)

Derpy: Hey guys!

Doug: Hey Derpy. Any calls?

Derpy: Nope.

(The phone rings.)

Pinkie: ... Cosmic.

Derpy: Hello? Hey guys, there's a man on the line. He says it's urgent.

(Doug takes it.)

Doug: Asteroth Detective Agency.

Man: You wanna know where the eyes are?

Doug: That'd be nice.

Man: The garage down the alley. Behind the old boutique. The side door's unlocked. Come alone in five minutes.

(He hangs up.)

Doug: ... I'll go. You guys stay here in case Tina, Gina, or whoever else we're in this mess with calls, and if you see Pal, call Chief Sparkle and hide.

(Doug walks out when he finds Miss Prune petting the newly returned Thomas.)

Miss Prune: Thank you for your effective work, Mr. Halbeisen. Here. Your forty dollars for the two days it took to find him, and an extra twenty for your "candy expenses".

Doug: Thanks ma'am. See you around.

(Doug heads off. Cut to the old boutique as Doug goes to the garage.)

Doug (narrating): My eyes were trying to adjust to the darkness. They did. To a different kind of darkness.

(A man in a suit pins Doug as he notices him put his hand to some leaking black paint as he knocks Doug out. Cut to a short time later as he wakes up.)

Doug (narrating): When I came to, I managed to get my hand to an inside pocket of my jacket. An empty pocket where Horst Borst's letter used to be.

(Doug comes back to the clubhouse, rubbing his head.)

Derpy: Back so soon?

Doug: ... I'm gonna lie down now.

Derpy: Actually, Mr. Zebra's in there with the others.

(Doug goes in as he goes straight to Zebra.)

John: Doug, what-?

Doug: Hold out your hands, Zebra.

(Zebra does so as Doug looks. No black paint.)

Doug: No, it couldn't have been you, but then again, it could've been someone you hired.

Mr. Zebra: I'm completely in the dark.

Doug: So was I.

Hagrid: What happened?

Doug: Someone conked me over the noggin and took the Musgrave Ritual, and only one other person knew about it.

John: Got ya.

Doug: Now onto more pressing business. You work for the blue man?

Mr. Zebra: Not exactly. I work for myself.

Rarity: Don't we all.

Mr. Zebra: Look, I just want to talk to you.

John: Why don't you begin with a little explaining? Just what is your line of business?

Mr. Zebra: I am a humble, reasonably corrupt opportunist.

Doug: How'd you find out about the Eyes.

Mr. Zebra: In prison, in Greece. Zindernef and I were cellmates. You might say we were more than that.

Chris: I never would of guessed!

Mr. Zebra: We were the only civilized people in that prison, and after awhile he confided in me. Not completely of course.

Hagrid: Of course.

Rainbow Dash: Don't you start, too!

Mr. Zebra: I had often before negotiated the distribution of certain artifacts that couldn't be sold on the open market. Like paintings and jewels.

Twilight: We get the picture.

Mr. Zebra: Then I made the necessary contacts with Mustifur Hakim and Alexander Enastis, whom I knew to be competitors as well as collectors, and for that service, I was supposed to receive a five percent commission.

John: So you're an agent. I thought as much.

Pinkie: I've gotta say, your pal Zindernef makes me sick!

Mr. Zebra: Excuse me?

Pinkie: Forks aren't meant for stabbing! They're for eating cake!

Mr. Zebra: Of course, Zindernef never told me where the Eyes were hidden, but after I read about Borst's murder in the papers, he told me that Borst was his nephew, and at that time, Zindernef admitted to me that he did not have possession of the stones.

Applejack: And that's when ya came ta see us. Ya knew we were hired by Tina Borst.

Mr. Zebra: Yes.

(Doug puts a weight on a scale.)

Rainbow Dash: You figured it was possible they'd tell us where the eyes were hidden.

Mr. Zebra: Of course.

(Doug puts a second weight on the scale.)

Doug: And now what have you got to offer? Your twenty five Gs is low bid. Hakim's upped the pot to a hundred grand.

Mr. Zebra: I offer you half the profits.

John: Mr. Zebra, you're offering us half of what we already own all of. What kind of agent talk is that?

Mr. Zebra: Listen, I can promise you much more than a hundred thousand. Much more!

Doug: Since you're double crossing your old roommate, would you consider this? A third for you?

Mr. Zebra: And two thirds for you?

Doug: No, a third for Borst's granddaughter, Tina.

Mr. Zebra: Oh... You're people of ethics.

Doug: At least we try to be.

Mr. Zebra: Yes, I would consider such a proposition because I'm a gentleman.

Chris: And because you've got no choice.

Mr. Zebra: That's another good reason.

Doug: Now get out of here and let us talk about some pressing business.

Mr. Zebra: Of course.

Pinkie: Oh, by the way, why'd you go to prison?

Mr. Zebra: Love. Someone was killed. An affair of the heart.

Pinkie: ... You didn't use a fork on him, did you?

Mr. Zebra: No. A knife.

Pinkie: Of course.

Rainbow Dash: Stop that! Just stop saying that phrase!

(Cut to later as they're discussing the letter's disappearance.)

Doug: I've still got the envelope, and that's at least something.

(Derpy comes in.)

Derpy: Guys, Tina wants to see you.

(Tina comes in.)

Doug: Tina. What are you doing here? Anything wrong?

Tina: No. My mother dropped me off. I picked up some hot dogs across the street. I was wondering if you'd like to have some.

Doug: ... Sure. I'm nuts about hot dogs.

(Cut to the two going to Tina's house.)

Doug (narrating): I told Tina about the Eyes of Alexander. And about Zindernef and her grandfather. She was astonished. She said she knew nothing about the sapphires. I believed her. Even though the letter was gone, I had it memorized along with the lump on my head and the black palm that caused it. As we walked up to the door, I had a feeling something was wrong.

(They enter the living room, as it's trashed.)

Doug (narrating): I was right.

(Doug goes around back when a shot just misses his head, and he sees Pal rushing off as Doug takes a good look at that blue outfit and ski mask.)

Doug: Hm...

(Doug opens the garage to check on it as he sees prop boxes labeled Horst.)

Doug: Horst prop boxes? I thought he was retired.

Tina: He still rented these things to other prop men he knew.

Doug: I don't think that guy was a prop man. He was shooting real bullets. I don't think they got what they were looking for. Well, it's Chief Sparkle time again.

(Cut to Chief Sparkle at the scene.)

Doug (narrating): I told Chief Sparkle about everybody and everything, including the Eyes of Alexander but excluding the letter.

Chief Sparkle: Okay Doug. I'll look up some of these people first thing in the morning. You bought yourself and the others a little time.

Doug: Well time can fly, sir, and three days have gone by like two.

Chief Sparkle: I get it. Miss Borst, I'll station a team of police officers around this house. You won't be bothered again.

(Cut to dinner as the two are talking.)

Tina: Doug, my papa was a good man.

Doug: And he was a good soldier too. They were all good soldiers, just following orders.

Tina: What do you mean?

Doug: I don't know. It's just amazing how a simple thing like a uniform can make enemies, if you follow me.

Tina: I suppose.

(The two hold hands and smile at each other. Cut to the clubhouse as Doug returns when the phone rings again.)

Doug (narrating): Gina called and invited the whole gang to a party. She said it was formal. We said we accepted. She said she'd pick us up in an hour. We all got dressed up as best as we could.

(They arrive at where Gina's car is with Pa.)

Rarity: So where is this party?

Gina: On a boat.

Everyone: Ooh...

(Cut to the boat.)

Gina: Well, there she is.

Doug: Not as big as a battleship.

Gina: Actually, the Teresa is a converted minesweeper.

Pinkie: Ooh.

(Cut to inside the Teresa as the boat is filled with everyone from the past few days and then some.)

Doug (narrating): The boat was filled with familiar, if not friendly, faces.

(The Commodore goes to the group as he kisses Gina's cheek.)

Commodore: Children, we meet again.

John: Yes. Small world, big business.

Commodore: I assume you know of the Eyes given what I've been hearing.

John: You'd assume right.

Commodore: I'd like to speak to you later if you have a moment.

John: We're all ears... And eyes.

Commodore: Very good, Mr. Brown.

Doug: Come on, Pa. I'll introduce you to some of these people.

(Cut to Hakim meeting Gina and Pa. Hakim's in a baby blue suit while Cynthia is in a blue dress that leaves her left arm bare.)

Doug (narrating): Hakim held her hand a moment too long for a first meeting, but the meeting between Gina and Cynthia was something to see, like a pair of Siamese cats sizing each other up before an alley fight. Zindernef stood at attention in an instant, but when I introduced Pa, while Pa was as willing to let bygones be bygones, I couldn't help notice how Zindernef seemed to force a smile onto his face when he was talking to Pa. Mr. Zebra kissed Gina's hand and left it smelling of lavender. It was almost an hour later when the Commodore pulled us aside and got his moment with us.

Commodore: I must have them. Hold them with these hands. See them with these eyes while there's still time. I must.

John: We got you.

Commodore: Whatever Hakim has bid, I will better it.

Hagrid: The pot's up to one hundred thousand.

Commodore: A hundred twenty-five.

Doug: Just like that? I count two dead men, the grandfather of a friend of mine and a man who tried to shoot me out of spite.

Commodore: A hundred fifty thousand.

(Hakim comes up.)

Hakim: Thank you for your hospitality, Commodore. I'd like you to see my yacht sometime.

Commodore: Leaving so early?

Hakim: Yes. I'm giving a little party of my own this evening. Children, maybe you, Mr. Fielder, and Miss Enastis can join us. I'm taking over the blue fez. It's a cafe near the high school. Please do come. I think you'll find it amusing.

(Hakim heads out.)

Commodore: You won't forget our little chat.

John: Never in a million years, Commodore.

(They're about to head out.)

Rarity: Oh, Mrs. Enastis, I'd just like to say that you are a very gracious hostess.

Mrs. Enastis: Thank you, dear.

(The gang walks out.)

Pa: Nice boat your dad has, Miss Enastis.

Gina: You and the kids are welcomed to come on my boat sometime. It's off the coast of California. From its mooring you can see Disneyland.

Doug: ... Neat.

Gina: So are we going to Mr. Hakim's party?

Doug: What kinda cafe is the Blue Fez?

Gina: I don't know. He said it'd be amusing though. Let's stop by there for a few minutes.

Pa: Alright, but you kids let me know when you've had enough.

(Cut to them arriving at the Blue Fez.)

Rarity: I think Mr. Hakim needs to see a shrink about his obsession with the color blue.

(They go inside, and it's an Arabian themed cafe with the waitresses dressed like Jasmine and bouncers dressed like Genies.)

John: Hakim sent us.

(The bouncer bows as they go inside.)

Hagrid: Where's the lamp that comes with ya.

(The bouncer growls as they walk to Hakim.)

Doug (narrating): It looked like a scene from an episode of Aladdin, except the place reeked of hashish, and so did Hakim.

Hakim: Delighted to see you all. Cynthia?

(Cynthia gets up and moves down to accommodate everyone and looks at Gina.)

Doug (narrating): There was that look again between the two Siamese cats, except now it was also aimed at some stray kittens that just happened to come between their cross hairs.

(They sit down.)

Hakim: Would you or Mr. Fielder care for a sip?

Gina: Yes, please.

Pa: No thank you.

Doug: I thought you didn't drink or smoke.

Hakim: Only on special occasions. Waitress bring some sodas for the minors and Mr. Fielder.

(The waitress walks off and comes back with Arabian cups filled with various sodas as everyone takes one.)

Hakim: And right now, there are two special occasions to drink to.

Doug: Confusion to the enemy.

(They drink their respective glasses as Hakim puts a hand to Gina's chin.)

Hakim: Did you know that the art of belly dancing is not appreciated outside of the orient?

Doug: Yeah, I can imagine the suffragettes not being huge fans of it.

(Everyone has a good chuckle.)

Hakim: Humorous, Mr. Halbeisen, but I intend to change that with my purchase. It's the most sensual and most exciting thing in the world.

Chris: What do you mean?

Hakim: Cynthia?

Cynthia: Sir I...

Hakim (sharper): Cynthia.

(Cynthia sighs and stands up as she does a belly dance as the kids just blink. Mr. Zebra goes up to Hakim and whispers as Hakim nods and makes a motion with his hands to Cynthia as she undoes the top of her dress and continues dancing as the kids, Gina, and Pa are all become nervous. Hakim makes another motion as Cynthia takes off the rest of her dress and begins dancing in her underwear.)

Gina: I am so sorry for bringing your grandson and the others here, Mr. Fielder. Let's just get out of here.

Pa: You don't have to tell me twice.

(The group stands up.)

Hakim: Where are you going? The show's just beginning.

Doug: The first act stinks.

(They're blocked by a guard with a scimitar. John knees him in the gut as Pa takes the sword and flings it into the ceiling where it sticks.)

Pa: You know Doug, that was your mother's favorite scene from the Mark of Zorro.

Doug: I'd believe it.

(Gina drives the gang back to Doug's house.)

Gina: I truly am sorry. I didn't know Hakim could be so cruel.

Pa: You never know a guy until you spend some time where he's most comfortable.

Gina: The poor girl.

Doug: I didn't think you liked Cynthia.

Gina: I've never seen anyone so degraded. Mr. Fielder, you could have stopped it.

Pa: Trust me, these ten kids and I would have if she tried to get out of there, but she didn't. Thanks again for the party on the boat, Miss Enastis.

Gina: You're welcome, Mr. Fielder... Kids, the Commodore told me about the Eyes of Alexander. That's all everyone wants, isn't it?

Doug: Not what we want.

Gina: Well who's side are you on?

Doug: Ours.

Gina: ... Good answer. Well, good night.

(They get out as Gina drives off. Cut to the next day after school as the gang goes to meet with Tina as Clem and Lem are standing there in the squad car. Doug knocks as her mother answers.)

Mrs. Borst: You must be those kids who've been keeping an eye on my daughter. Come on in.

Doug: Thanks Mrs. Borst.

(They go in.)

Tina: Hey guys. Sorry I didn't see you at school, but we're getting ready to move.

Doug: Fine by me, but I've got a question. Are you sure what your grandfather said before when he saw you?

Tina: I'm not really sure, but it sounded like ein schlack. I'm hit or hurt. My German's not too good.

Doug: Yeah, well I still think he was trying to tell you something. It might have had something to do with the letter. How do you say letter in German?

Tina: Brief.

Doug: Tina, write down what your grandfather said.

(She writes it out.)

Tina: Here you go. I'm not too sure about the spelling.

Doug: That's okay. Neither am I. Now don't go anyplace without calling one of us or Chief Sparkle. Sit tight, Tina.

(Doug and Tina smile at each other before he heads out.)

Mrs. Borst: Aw... My little girl's first romance.

Tina: Mom!

(They walk down Main Street to a library run by Twilight's mom.)

Doug (narrating): Until the last few days, I spent a lot of time in the library going through books and graphic novels. I didn't have much else to do. In the movies, Mrs. Sparkle would've been played by Jennifer Aniston or the lady who played Becky from Full House.

(Doug walks up to the counter.)

Doug: Mrs. Sparkle.

Mrs. Sparkle: Doug.

Doug: Have you got a German dictionary around here?

Mrs. Sparkle: Certainly, but I do speak German quite fluently. I always had a talent for languages.

Doug: Then maybe you can make sense of this.

(Doug hands Mrs. Sparkle the envelope.)

Mrs. Sparkle: "Ein schlog". I'm hit or hurt.

Twilight: That much we got, Mom. Could it mean something else? Maybe something to do with a letter that was mailed?

Mrs. Sparkle: I don't think so. Letter would be brief.

John: Right, but maybe there's another word that sounds like ein schlog. See this was spoken, not written. So it could've sounded like Einschlog. Meinschlog.

Mrs. Sparkle: Aha. Do you kids have the envelope.

Applejack: The what?

Mrs. Sparkle: The envelope. Unschlog, in German, is envelope.

Doug: The envelope! Now where is it?

Rainbow Dash: Back at the clubhouse!

(They zoom off.)

Twilight: Thanks Mom!

Mrs. Sparkle: Anytime, dear.

(The group practically flies out of the library to the clubhouse and look around, but the place is as clean as a whistle.)

Doug: Oh no.

Derpy: What's the matter, guys? What's the hurry?

Doug: It's not here!

Derpy: What's not?

Doug: The unschlog! The darned envelope!

Derpy: Oh yeah. I cleaned the office while you were out. Did you want the envelope?

Hagrid: ... Yes...

Derpy: Uh-oh.

Fluttershy: Derpy, this is very important. Where'd you throw the trash?

Derpy: In Mr. and Mrs. Halbeisen's trash can.

Doug: Let's go!

(They rush to the front door as Mr. and Mrs. Halbeisen follow them.)

Mrs. Halbeisen: Doug, what's going on?

Doug: We lost something important!

(Doug opens the trash can.)

Doug: Dig guys! Dig!

Rarity: Oh, there goes my manicure.

Applejack: We got better things ta worry about than your fancy manicure!

(They dig through as they find the muffin wrappers and manage to pull out the envelope as everyone pulls their arms out.)

Doug: Got it!

Rarity: Yech. I need to wash my hands to get this muck off.

Doug: There's a hose right over there.

(They spray their arms off as Doug dries his off first and goes to the envelope as Brian comes out and looks around.)

Brian: Well there's a story I need to hear later.

Mr. Halbeisen: Yeash. All this for an envelope?

Doug: Trust me, Dad. It was worth it.

(The others come out and examine the envelope.)

Doug: Now that poem... "Under the tramp of marching feet. Under the beat of daring drum. Follow the tree beneath the post. Age..." Of course. It's not Post. Age. It's postage!

Rarity: Well I hope that clue was worth it because otherwise I just ruined my nails for nothing!

Doug: Guys, look at the stamp! The answer to Horst Borst's riddle is right underneath this poster stamp. All we gotta do is steam it off.

(They do so as they find writing on the part of the envelope where the stamp was.)

Doug: And there it is. Mr. Borst gave good directions. All we've gotta do is pick 'em up.

Mr. Halbeisen: Doug, that's off the coast.

Doug: Don't worry, Dad. I know a guy.

(Doug calls Tina.)

Mrs. Borst: Hello?

Doug: Hey Mrs. Borst, is Tina there?

Mrs. Borst: Sorry, Doug. Tina's not here.

Doug: Where is she?

Mrs. Borst: Well you outta know. You're the one who called her. She went to meet you.

Doug: Did the cops go with her?

Mrs. Borst: No. I saw Tina talking to them, but they're still upfront.

(Doug hangs up.)

Doug: Twilight, call your dad.

Twilight: Right.

Mrs. Halbeisen: Well our lives have taken a weird turn.

Twilight: Dad?

Chief Sparkle: Hey hon.

Twilight: Dad, I think you need to put an APP out on Tina Borst. We're scared she's in trouble.

Chief Sparkle: So am I, Twilight. We just got a report. Couple of kids found a girl's body at one of the caves near the lake.

Twilight: Any ID?

Chief Sparkle: No, she was naked, but the description fits. I was just going up there.

Twilight: We'll meet you up there.

Chief Sparkle: Do one of you know where it is?

Doug: Yeah, we know the place.

(Cut to them going to the cave.)

Doug (narrating): The cave Chief Sparkle talked of was just a small hill that had been hollowed out who knows how long ago. Now someone had died here. I just hoped to heaven it wasn't Tina.

(They arrive as Doug pulls the cover off of her head to show Tina with several bruises on her face.)

Doug (narrating): She wasn't the brightest or the most beautiful girl I ever met, but outside of Applejack, she was the most honest, and she trusted me. Now she was a corpse.

(Doug sighs and rubs his face.)

Chief Sparkle: I'm sorry, Doug.

Clem: I am too, Doug.

Lem: Shame.

Doug: Yeah. Yeah it is. Even more so that she was killed while you two-!

Chief Sparkle: Doug, calm down! Nobody's to blame. Not you or us. They tricked her out of there. It happens.

Doug: Yeah. It happens to the wrong people...

Chief Sparkle: Hey, don't torture yourself crazy. Not if you're gonna stay in this detective business.

Doug: ... Right. Chief, will you do me a favor? I'll owe ya.

Chief Sparkle: What?

Doug: Look, you've got an unidentified body here. Keep it that way until tomorrow.

Chief Sparkle: But the news crew-

Doug: They don't have to see a face.

Twilight: Please Dad, we're begging ya here.

Chief Sparkle: Alright kids, but get out of here before the media shows up and ties you into it.

Doug: Got it, sir. Oh, and Tina's parents, get them out of there, but don't tell them why!

Chief Sparkle: Next on my list of things to do.

Doug: Thanks, Chief.

(They return to the clubhouse as Cynthia's there.)

Cynthia: Hello children. Mr. Hakim suggested I come around and see you.

Hagrid: Okay. You've seen us, and we've seen you. Now what?

Cynthia: Mr. Hakim asked me to tell you that no matter what Alexander Enastis has bid, he will better the offer.

Hagrid: Okay, now you've told us. Now let me ask you something. You always do everything Mr. Hakim asks? Suppose he asked you to sleep with me despite it being illegal. Would you do it? Or with Zebra? Zindernef? Huh?

Cynthia: Now you listen to me! Until a few years ago, there was no Cynthia Ashley, but there was Alina Burfsnefki from a ghetto in Poland with a brutish father who used his daughter in ways a lady does not discuss in the presence of children! A girl who had nothing... And would do anything to escape.

Chris: ... Dang...!

Hagrid: You can save the soapbox, Alina. The whole sad story with a happy ending. Now you've got everything, and you'll do anything to keep it for as long as you can. Congratulations on your success, and what's left of you.

(Cynthia's about to storm out.)

Hagrid: Just a minute! I'm not done talking! You tell your Mr. Hakim to gather up all the cash he's willing to bid, charter a helicopter, and be ready to meet us tomorrow. And we'll call him. Good-bye Alina, and good luck.

(Cynthia walks out as Derpy walks in.)

Derpy: Mr. Zebra's here, and he's got clammy hands. Should I let him in?

Doug: Yeah.

(Mr. Zebra comes in as Derpy backs up nervously.)

Doug: Which of the genders do you prefer, or can't you make up your mind?

Mr. Zebra: Why be restricted in the pleasures of life?

Doug: Just restrict yourself to where she's concerned, or you'll wake up one morning without any teeth.

Mr. Zebra: Of course.

Rainbow Dash: NO! NO! No one's saying of course anymore! No more saying that phrase!

Mr. Zebra: Of course.

Rainbow Dash: AHHH!

(Rainbow Dash just groans and sits back down, clutching her head.)

Mr. Zebra: Children, did you know that Alexander Enastis has possession of Borst's letter?

Doug: Did he show it to you?

Mr. Zebra: He thought I might be of some help, yes.

Doug: But you weren't. Why are you backing the Commodore's play?

Mr. Zebra: I think we can make a more profitable deal with him.

Doug: You mean you can. Better than the five percent from the guy who trusted you?

Mr. Zebra: Zindernef never trusted anyone except his nephew. He told me so in prison.

Doug: During one of your more intimate moments? Now Mr. Zebra, no one knows the answer to the riddle of the marching men but me and my friends.

Mr. Zebra: And may I ask what you're going to do next?

Doug: Tomorrow, we're gonna take a little vacation. You stick close to the Commodore or Hakim. I don't care which, and we'll keep in touch with ya.

Mr. Zebra: May I inquire where you are vacationing?

Doug: Sure. Catalina. Now get out of here, and don't forget what I said about Derpy. She's got ten friends, and they all pack quite a punch.

(Mr. Zebra walks out as Derpy comes in.)

Derpy: Good night, guys.

Hagrid: Uh Derpy, we won't be in town tomorrow. We're taking a trip with Pa Fielder with some help from Discord.

Derpy: Oh good! You guys have been working too hard! You've got bags under your eyes.

Doug: You're a good friend, Derpy. Here.

(He hands her some money.)

Doug: Buy yourself something nice, and keep the change. You might need it.

Derpy: Five hundred dollars?!

Rainbow Dash: Did we ever tell you you're a nice pal?

Derpy: Guys, this is more money than I've ever seen in my life.

John: Now get outta here.

Derpy: But I can't eat five hundred dollars worth of muffins.

Rarity: Then treat yourself to an afternoon on the town tomorrow. You've earned it.

(Derpy smiles and leaves. John then turns to the phone.)

John: Hello, Gina?

Gina: Oh hi, John.

John: That boat of yours, is it sea worthy?

Gina: Sure. I can fly you kids in with me and-

John: Don't worry. We've got it covered. We'll meet you at dawn tomorrow with Pa Fielder, and tell the Commodore to get up steam on whatever ship he has at the coast. We'll be in touch. And have him gather up all the cash he's willing to spend on the Eyes.

Gina: Alright.

(John hangs up. Cut to the gang arriving at the boat at the California docks with Pa as Gina stares.)

Gina: How'd you get here?

John: We know people.

Gina: Okay... Well, there she is. What do you think of her?

Doug: Looks like you could live on the thing.

Gina: You still haven't told me where we're going.

Hagrid: We'll tell you once we get past the break water.

Gina: You kids are so mysterious.

Chris: It's part of our charm.

(They get on board as a black car follows them. Cut to the boat.)

Applejack: Anyone ever been to Catalina?

Gina: Been there? I was practically raised there. Is that where we're going?

Pa: That's it.

Gina: I have a small house in Avalon.

Rainbow Dash: Figures. What about wheels?

Gina: Will a scout do?

Twilight: A Scout'll do just fine.

(Cut to Gina's house as they drive off.)

Doug: You ever been to the old army barracks?

Gina: Sure. Is that where we're going?

Fluttershy: Um... Yes.

Doug: You ever been up there?

Gina: Oh sure, but the place is all crumbling and falling apart.

Doug: Built during the second World War, right Pa?

Pa: That's right. A Japanese submarine fired a couple of shots near Santa Barbara, so the army built Fort Cactus in case the Japanese fleet tried to invade Catalina.

Gina: By the way, Mr. Fielder, what part of the army were you part of?

Pa: Chief Radio Operator for the Air Force.

(They arrive at Fort Cactus.)

Gina: It really isn't safe up here. These buildings are always collapsing.

(They get out of the Scout.)

Twilight: Any roads up here besides the one we just came here on?

Gina: Yeah. It forks off down at the bottom and comes up over there.

Applejack: Can ya see it from up here?

Gina: No, not once you get off Middle Ranch Road.

Rainbow Dash: Then let's quit wasting time.

(They go through the barracks.)

Doug (narrating): It all looked like an old abandoned movie set, but there had been actual soldiers here during an actual war. Probably bored out of their minds with nothing to do but play cards, roll dice, listen to Jack Benny, Fibber McGee and Marley, Fred Allen, and Mr. District Attorney on the radio, and gaze at pin ups of Betty Grable, Rena Haywood, Veronica Lake, and Gene Tine. Some duty, but it beat dodging live ammo.

(They head out of the barracks to a large empty space with only a few pipes.)

Gina: Kids, what are we doing?

Doug: Searching for sapphires.

Gina: You mean they're here?

Doug: Mr. Borst was a prop man. After some cross-referencing, we figured out he worked on a picture called The Divers. It was shot right here in Catalina. He figured the sapphires would be safer here than in Hollywood, and much safer when he moved to Canterlot. We'll see if he was right. The letter was no good without the envelope it was in.

(Doug pulls it out and hands it to Gina.)

Twilight: I think what we're looking for is right in front of us.

Gina: "Catalina. World War II Barracks. Nozzle of fuel tank."

(Doug goes in and tries to open the fuel tank.)

Gina: Doug, is that the tank?

Doug: Should be. Right beside the road where they probably gassed up.

(Doug tries to open the nozzle, but he's having difficulty.)

Doug: It's stuck on there good.

Applejack: I got it.

(Applejack pops the top off easily.)

Doug: Good work, AJ.

Gina: Oh, they've just gotta be there.

John: Either that or Borst had some sense of humor.

Doug: Pinkie, you try getting it. Your hands are the slimmest.

(Pinkie does so as she pulls out a package and opens it to reveal a box. Inside the box are the sapphires.)

Pinkie: Ooh...

(The sapphires glow as it seems like a pair of eyes staring at them.)

Gina: Oh my god... I've never seen anything like them.

Fluttershy: They're frightening!

Hagrid: They're just a couple of stones, Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash: Let's get outta here.

Doug: Sure.

Gina: Kids, you take them.

(She gives the case to Doug as he pockets it.)

Gina: You and your friends trusted me.

Doug: Why not? What could you do, kill us? Everybody dies.

(A shot rings out as they all duck.)

Chris: No, we take it back! No one ever dies ever!

(Another shot rings out.)

John: Run for it!

(They rush off as two men in suits pursue when Twilight pulls out a wand.)

Twilight: Petrifiticus Totalus Maximus!

(The two men become stock still and fall over.)

Doug: Now let's get out of here.

(Cut to Gina's house.)

Doug (narrating): We drove back to her house in Avalon. This time we weren't tailed. She made some coffee for Pa. Chris grabbed some sodas, and I made three calls to the mainland, specifically Canterlot.

(Doug hangs up from the last call.)

Doug: Well that's it. Messages are away.

Twilight: Good. Now we head over to White Sling.

Gina: Kids, there's nothing out there.

John: No, but there will be.

Gina: What?

Doug: All the parties that are interested in the Eyes.

Gina: I hate them. They've caused nothing but misery and death.

Doug: Don't blame them, Gina. Like Hagrid said, they're just a couple of stones.

Gina: Who do they belong to?

Doug: That's the question.

(They head back to Gina's boat and go to White Sling.)

Gina: You know Doug, you never did tell me why you punched me at Petey Cane's club.

Doug: Oh that? John Wayne slugged his friend, Ward Bond, in a picture called Hondo for the same reason. When you want to confuse the enemy, hit a friend.

Gina: Interesting. Kids, about those pictures...

Doug: Forget it. We'll talk about it when this is over.

(They arrive at the Commodore's ship.)

Commodore: Children, good to see you. Come aboard.

John: No Commodore. You come aboard, with the green.

(The Commodore arrives with Jeeves, with black paint on his palm.)

Commodore: You do have the sapphires, do you not, children?

John: Sure.

(Doug then grabs Jeeves and punches him out.)

Doug: That was for at the garage.

Commodore: By heaven, you are something.

Doug: When he comes to, have him get that glorified gunboat out of there while we transact our business.

Commodore: Yes indeed.

(An alarm sounds as a helicopter with a pod arrives. The pod's lowered onto the boat and out come Hakim, Cynthia, Zindernef, and Mr. Zebra.)

Commodore: You said you were selling the sapphires to me.

John: No Commodore. I said you could bid on them.

Commodore: Blast!

(The commodore goes down to the lower deck as the others walk up to the gang.)

Hakim: Why did you want all these people here?

Doug: You've all got a vested interest in the deal. Okay, let's all go inside. You too, Gina.

(Hakim, Cynthia, Zindernef, and Gina go in as Mr. Zebra goes to Doug.)

Mr. Zebra: Remember, after this, half and half.

Doug: ... Sure...

(Cut to down stairs as Doug opens the case to reveal the Eyes.)

Doug: Here they are, gang. Just a couple of blue stones, except there aren't any others like them in the whole world.

Commodore: I must have them.

Hakim: They're even bluer than I imagined.

Zindernef: I've waited over sixty years.

Doug: We'll see what you get for your trouble. Now then, I believe the last bid was one hundred and fifty thousand.

Hakim: Two hundred thousand!

Commodore: Quarter of a million.

Doug: Now that's some pretty spirited bidding, guys. I like that.

Hakim: Three hundred thousand!

Commodore: Four hundred thousand.

Doug: Good but not good enough.

Hakim: Four hundred fifty!

Commodore: Half a million.

Doug: Now you gentlemen keep in mind that this is strictly a cash transaction. Don't bid anymore than you have with you.

Hakim: Six hundred thousand!

Commodore: Seven hundred thousand.

Doug: Duly noted. Is that it?

Pa: What do you think, Mr. Zindernef? Not bad, huh?

Zindernef: They belong to me.

Doug: Sorry sir, but I don't think the bidding's over yet.

Hakim: Three quarters of a million!

Commodore: Eight hundred thousand dollars.

Hakim: Nine!

Commodore: Mr. Halbeisen, I have one million dollars in this suitcase.

Hakim: And I have a million here.

Doug: Are you telling me that each of you is willing to bid one million dollars for these little do-dads?

Hakim: Yes.

Commodore: Correct.

Doug: Now it seems like we've got a standoff. Say, that's a nice diamond ring you wear, Hakim. Course not as blue as the sapphires.

Hakim: This ring is worth more than fifty thousand dollars.

Doug: That'll hike your pot. That is if you're willing to include it.

Hakim: Yes.

Doug: Put it on top of your suitcase.

Commodore: I too have a ring, Mr. Halbeisen. Worth easily as much.

Hakim: A gold watch. Seventeen thousand.

Doug: Uh-huh. How about you, Commodore? You got a watch?

(The Commodore places his watch with the ring and the suitcase.)

Doug: Well boys, you're neck and neck, coming down the stretch.

(Hakim takes off a pair of cuff links.)

Hakim: These cufflinks are blue diamonds. Valued at fourteen thousand, at least.

Doug: Very good. Looks like it puts the team from the east ahead.

Commodore: Stickpin! Diamond stickpin. Worth easily as much.

Doug: Not quite, Commodore. Are those real gold buttons on that blazer of yours?

Commodore: Yes.

Doug: Well take it off and toss it on the pile. That'll pull you up even.

Commodore: Now look here, sir, you go too far.

Doug: Okay, then you're out! And that makes his bid the highest.

Commodore: I'm in! I'm in!

(The Commodore puts the blazer on top of his suitcase.)

Doug: Good. Let's quit wasting time. All that stuff you guys have on is worth plenty. Put it all on the pile.

Hakim: I'm not here to play the fool for you or anyone else.

Doug: Alright, quit and you're out, and the sapphires go to the Commodore. Either that, or you both strip down to your shorts while I muddle this over.

Hakim: Then would you mind getting these people out of here?

Doug: They stay. We still have a couple of things to settle, like murder. Now down to your shorts, Hakim.

(By now the Commodore is in a pair of long johns.)

Hakim: Alright, as you please.

Doug: For a man who rarely drinks or smokes, you outta be in pretty good shape.

(Hakim takes his clothes off as Cynthia smirks. Eventually, Hakim is down to a pair of boxers.)

Hagrid: Quite a show, eh, Alina?

Cynthia: You and your friends are surprising people, Mr. Dash.

Doug: Okay boys, that's good enough. Sit down while I make up my mind.

(Doug goes up to Zindernef.)

Doug: Well Zindernef, somebody in this room tried to persuade your nephew to double cross you.

Zindernef: Horst vas a good soldier.

Doug: And he was a good man, but somebody hired some goons to get the Eyes before you got them, and when the smoke cleared, me and my friends had our picture in the papers, and everybody wanted to hire us.

Gina: Doug!

Doug: That's when you walked in, isn't it, Gina?

Commodore: Merely a case of a dutiful daughter.

Doug: You were good. Awful good. You had it all rigged with Petey Cane and those pictures we were never supposed to see, but it didn't play that way.

Gina: Doug, you kids knew all this time?

Doug: We took a peak while the three of you were out cold. They looked more like graduation pictures, but if that was the way you wanted to play it, it was okay by me. Especially when you told your old man about Borst's letter, and the Commodore sicked Jeeves on me. He got the letter, but nobody could figure out the riddle.

Commodore: Sir, I had nothing to do with Borst's death.

Doug: Or Tina's?

(The Commodore's eyes widen in shock.)

Doug: Yeah. She was found dead yesterday evening.

Zindernef: Dead?

Doug: Yeah, dead. And somebody's going to pay for it! But who? Who?! You Commodore? Sicking Jeeves on us twice. You Hakim, for having Borst tailed by those goons of yours in the blue ski masks? Zindernef? Gina? Cynthia? No.

(Doug goes up to Mr. Zebra.)

Doug: You, Mr. Zebra.

(He pulls out a phaser.)

Doug: Five percent wasn't good enough for you. You wanted half, all of it, if you could get rid of the ten of us.

(Zindernef walks up and slaps Mr. Zebra.)

Doug: Sit down there Zindernef. You talk too much, Mr. Zebra. First you let me know that Borst was Zindernef's nephew. Later on, you mentioned in prison that Zindernef told you he didn't trust anybody but his nephew.

Mr. Zebra: So?

Doug: So that's when I started narrowing it all down to you. You were the only one I told about Catalina. Even Gina didn't know, but your goons were there waiting in the same car that shot at Borst's place.

Mr. Zebra: You are amusing. But would a jury believe you or your friends? Ten twelve-year-olds playing detective? In the words of your people, Mr. Halbeisen, you're all screwy.

Doug: Maybe we are, but maybe not as screwy as you and your kind think. Maybe we do joke around during serious business, but maybe it's all part of the job to throw the enemy off-guard; a way to lower their defenses, get them to say and do things they wouldn't ordinarily do, and wind up like you're gonna wind up. Did you ever think of that?

Mr. Zebra: Still not one shred of proof.

Doug: In the clubhouse, we agreed to split the profits in thirds with Tina. Before we came in here, you said fifty-fifty. No one else knew Tina was dead. You killed her and did things to her a gentleman doesn't say in mixed company! Now you're going up the river for it! RD, keep him covered.

Rainbow Dash: Right.

(Rainbow Dash holds the phaser to him as Doug and John are at the sapphires.)

Hakim: Mr. Halbeisen, what about the sapphires?

Doug: They're evidence. It's up to Chief Sparkle to decide, but Commodore, you said you just wanted to see them with your eyes and hold them with your hands while there was still time. You got a minute.

Commodore: ... Bless you, Mr. Halbeisen.

(The Commodore looks at them for a moment when John holds out his hand, and the Commodore gives them to him contentedly as John seems to put them back in the box.)

Pa: So when's Chief Sparkle gonna get here?

Doug: Should be soon. I called him just before calling you guys.

(Mr. Zebra knocks Rainbow Dash down and takes the phaser Doug has and pulls the trigger as nothing happens.)

Doug: Sorry pal. That's just a toy.

(Pa retrieves the phaser and knocks Mr. Zebra out when Zindernef rushes for the sapphires and grabs them, pulling out a gun as he goes to the upper deck as the LAPD are there with Chief Sparkle on the boat.)

Pa: Give it up, Zindernef. You've got nowhere left to run.

Zindernef: THEY BELONG TO ME! SIXTY YEARS!

(He shoots at Pa as he just barely misses as Doug grabs him and punches him out, causing the fake hand holding the box to slide over the boat and fall into the sea.)

Hakim: ... Blast...

Commodore: Well... You can't win them all, Mr. Hakim.

(Cut to the boat as Mr. Zebra and Zindernef are brought to Chief Sparkle and the LAPD.)

Chief Sparkle: Kids, what the heck is going on around here?

Twilight: We'll explain it all to you on the way back home.

Chief Sparkle: Sure, hon, sure, but just answer one thing first.

Twilight: Okay.

Chief Sparkle: How come those two men don't have pants on?

Twilight: ... They lost a bidding war.

Chief Sparkle: For what?

(John comes up with the Eyes of Alexander.)

John: These.

Hakim: But how...?

John: I did a little slight of hand, so that these could still go into evidence. Here you are, Chief.

Chief Sparkle: Thanks. I'll put these into evidence, and after that, we'll figure out who they should go to.

Commodore: Very good sir. Now, I believe I still owe you something.

(The Commodore hands his suitcase to them.)

John: What's this for? We never said you could have them.

Commodore: You did what I asked, and that's enough.

Doug: But sir, it's only been four days. You only owe us eighty dollars.

Commodore: Consider the rest a tip.

(Cut back home as they are back at the office with Derpy.)

Derpy: So what did ya do with all the money?

Doug: Well we split it between the ten of us and decided to spruce the place up a little.

(Several devices are now strewn on the walls, and the place looks much more like the Captain's quarters of a starship.)

Derpy: Neat-o!

Doug: Well, I think we'll take another day off.

(Doug goes to a school photo of Tina her parents gave him before they moved as he looks at it.)

Doug: Here's looking at you, kid.

(They walk out as the name's been changed to the Tina Borst Detective Agency.)

The End.


	7. Test of the Tested

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 7: Test of the Tested

(It opens in a classroom at Canterlot Middle School as Twilight finishes a test and hands it to a professor.)

Professor: Sweet short stack, Twilight! This is fast even for you.  
Twilight: Yeah... Well...  
Professor: Do you feel good about it?  
Twilight: About having to take the test? No. About how I did... Sure... I guess.  
Professor: You guess? To you, taking the SATTY 9 must be like playing a game of tic-tac toe.  
Twilight: Whatever. See you later sir.

(Soarin rushes up to the desk.)

Soarin: Professor? I have a problem.  
Professor: You'll have to pardon me, Twilight. Duty calls. Bye.  
Twilight: Later.

(Twilight walks out and walks by a dingy yellow girl with red and yellow hair who's holding up several signs.)

Sunset: STOP the SATTY 9! STOP the SATTY 9!

(A blue girl with white hair sits next to Sunset with a sign saying, "Ban Shirley the Pony".)

Sunset: Wrong protest sister. Beat it.

(Cut to the clubhouse as Twilight arrives.)

Twilight (narrating): It was the day the whole middle school prepared for and hated. The SATTY 9 test, given throughout the whole county. I may enjoy school, but standardized tests are the one thing even I hate. It all started the moment I sat back down at the clubhouse.

(Twilight plops down as the others walk in as Derpy brings in some flowers.)

Derpy: Here ya go, Twilight!  
Doug: Whoa. Secret admirer?  
Twilight: No such luck. They're a gift from Principal Luna. All the card says is, "Thanks for knocking the SATTY 9 out of the park, kiddo." Why would she send me this?  
Doug: 'Cause you're the smartest kid in school. She'd know you aced it... Which I bet you just did. You bring up the average, maybe get named a junior, junior merit scholar, and the school gets a picture in the paper. Luna gets good press for the whole town's district. Everyone's happy.  
Twilight: Believe me, I saw everyone taking that test. Everyone was not happy.

(She sighs.)

Twilight: A single multiple choice test designed to scale the academic achievement of millions of different kinds of kids not just around this school, but the entire county. Apparently one size fits all for the SATTY 9. Has there been anything more pointless?

(Fluffy runs in carrying a shot gun in her teeth.)

Mrs. Halbeisen: Fluffy! Fluffy, give me back my dad's shot gun!  
Doug: Fluffy, listen to Mom, okay, girl?

(Fluffy drops the shot gun.)

Mrs. Halbeisen: That's better, young lady.

(Mrs. Halbeisen walks off.)

Doug: So where were we?

(The phone rings as Doug takes it.)

Doug: Tina Borst Detective Agency. Not right now. The unicorn's in ear shot.

(He hangs up.)

Twilight: Guys, you know me pretty well.  
Applejack: I'd say very well.  
Twilight: Okay, so what makes you think you can put one over on me? I know all you guys are chipping in with my parents to get me a scooter for my birthday.  
Chris: Your birthday's coming up?  
Twilight: Look, you guys can't get me a scooter.  
Pinkie: Oh yeah. We can.  
Twilight: Guys, everyone's going to think I'm jumping on the scooter band-wagon.  
Doug: Twilight, you have an Abraham Lincoln lunch box. Since when do you care what everyone else thinks?  
Twilight: Hey, Abe Lincoln is cool! ... Oh... Good point.

(Cut to the professor pushing a cart full of boxes marked SATTY 9 completed tests as a figure in a Pony costume appears.)

Professor: Hello Shirley. What are you doing here?

(Shirley steals the cart. The Professor rushes to Principal Luna's Office.)

Luna: What is it?  
Professor: It appears that Shirley has stolen the completed SATTY 9 tests. We've got to find them.  
Luna: ... Please tell me this is a horrible prank.

(Cut to the clubhouse as Luna arrives.)

Doug: Principal Luna, is this business or checking in on your star pupil?  
Luna: Business.  
Doug: In that case, we get twenty dollars a day, plus candy expenses.  
Luna: The SATTY-9 tests have been taken. I want you to check the boy's locker room and see if they're there.  
Doug: Why the locker room?  
Luna: They were stolen by someone in the mascot costume.

(Cut to the boy's locker room as the gang walks up as Hagrid opens the door.)

Hagrid: Coast is clear.

(Rainbow Dash comes in and shields her eyes as a large boy is there in nothing but a towel.)

Hagrid (smirking): Oh shoot. I'm sorry.  
Rainbow Dash: Hagrid, I really didn't need that. I'm going to kill you when we get home.  
Hagrid: Mm-hm?  
John: Okay, it's clear for real this time. In here.

(John leads them to the mascot changing room as Doug tries the knob.)

Doug: Locked.  
Rainbow Dash: Allow me.

(Rainbow Dash pulls out a hairpin from her pocket and puts it in the lock.)

Rainbow Dash: It's a talent from my past.

(Rainbow Dash fiddles with it.)

Rainbow Dash: Ooh, tough one. It's locked from the inside.

(The door finally unlocks and opens as they see a boy stuck there with his hands caught in a Chinese Finger Trap.)

Fluttershy: Are you okay, Gizmo?  
Gizmo: They over powered me and took my costume! They called me names, and they Chinese finger trapped my fingers!  
John: Push and pull out, old boy.

(Gizmo does so, and he's released. Cut to the group investigating.)

John: What have we got?  
Doug: It was an ambush. The perp jumped Gizmo, the student who portrays Shirley the school mascot, stole his costume, and took off through the window.  
Twilight: Then, fully ponized, the perp went back into the school and stole the tests.  
Luna (VO): Children!

(Luna walks up.)

John (sighing): Principal Luna.  
Luna: Tomorrow morning, when the world finds out about this, I'm going to get a dozen phone calls a minute, and all I can do is tell the people that you're on the case. Are you on the case?  
Rarity: Yes ma'am.  
Luna: Good. Those tests are due in Crystalopolis by the end of the week. You have forty-eight hours to find them. The last thing I or anyone else wants to see if 1,200 kids having to take this over.

(Chris bursts in.)

Chris: We're gonna have to take it over?! The SATTY 9 was the hardest test I ever took! It took three hours! I saw spots! (In a French accent) I developed a spontaneous French accent! (Normal) I can't take it again! I can't!

(Doug throws water on him.)

Doug: Calm down, Chris. You don't wanna take the test again, and neither do we. It's not going to happen. We're on it.  
Chris: ... Okay.  
Luna: I tell you, when we find those tests, I know young Mai here's gonna be the curb breaker. Am I right, Twilight? ... Anyway, find those tests. If you don't count on having to take it over.

(The school nurse walks Gizmo past Doug, Twilight, Chris, and John as Twilight covers her eyes.)

Twilight: Um... Gizmo, the point of wearing boxers is to avoid mooning strangers. Maybe you should get a new pair... Or at least wear a patch.  
John: People, can we cover Gizmo's butt please? Anyway, your case. Your call. What's next?  
Doug: Perimeter check. Look for clues and the costume.

(Cut to the school supply entrance as they stake it out.)

Twilight: I'm asking again. You guys didn't get me a scooter, right?  
Doug: Oh heck no.  
Twilight: Doug...  
Doug: You know you do that a lot.

(They look to see Cloudchaser walking off with a box.)

Hagrid: What have we here?  
Twilight: Cloudchaser. He took the test this morning, and come to think of it, he looked pretty nervous.  
John: And now he's sneaking around with a box.  
Twilight: No way. This is too easy.  
Doug: I'll bet you lunch that it is. Freeze!

(Cloudchaser looks up and rushes off.)

Doug: I hate it when they run. Come on!

(They rush off.)

Twilight: This already isn't easy.

(The gang continues chasing Cloudchaser.)

Doug: Stay on him.

(Cloudchaser jumps into a foam wheel and rides it away as Hagrid and Rainbow Dash follow suit in one each while the others try to cut Cloudchaser off. Cut to a group of cheerleaders making a pyramid.)

Coach: Now lock your wrists people. Now you've formed a mighty pyramid that cannot be torn asunder.

(Cloudchaser and Hagrid roll past.)

Coach: See? You're like Cherubimon fighting the Digi-Destined in their Rookie forms. Nothing could possibly-

(Rainbow Dash rolls by, knocking everyone down.)

Rainbow Dash: Sorry. My bad.

(The chase goes from the X-Games court to the dock as Hagrid gains on Cloudchaser before his wheel runs off the pier and into the lake as Cloudchaser manages to stop.)

Cloudchaser: Have a nice swim, Hagrid.

(Rainbow Dash runs into Cloudchaser, and they both end up in the water as the others arrive.)

Rainbow Dash: ... Doug, you officially owe us all lunch.  
John: Where'd you put the pony costume, Cloudchaser?  
Cloudchaser (squeaky): Pony costume?  
Doug: The one you used to steal the SATTY 9 tests.  
Cloudchaser (squeaky): SATTY 9 tests?  
Twilight: Could you stop doing that?

(They open the box Cloudchaser had.)

Doug: This isn't the tests. It's just a bunch of tartar sauce packets.  
Cloudchaser: It's just the best tartar sauce in the world. I couldn't help myself. It was I who stole them from the cafeteria, for I love tartar sauce!  
Fluttershy: You love... Tartar sauce?  
Cloudchaser: Listen, maybe we can work something out. I know the word on the street. I know who you two should talk to about the tests.  
Doug: Who?

(Cut to the Egg Rollery in Canterlot as the gang walks up to it.)

Twilight (narrating): Cloudchaser said the word on the street was that Soarin had a little melt down at the test this morning. The word on the street was right. I saw it happen. Soarin looked one answer away from wigging. He also had an Egg Rollery t-shirt on. Which was why we're here. That and Doug owed us lunch.

(They walk up to the counter.)

Fluttershy: I'll take the egg free egg roll supreme.  
Doug: I'll take the egg roll number three special.

(Cut to Pipsqueak as he nervously watches them from behind a newspaper and sees them sit down.)

Twilight: This is crazy Doug. Guys like Soarin, they don't do this.  
Doug: I'm gonna check the juke.

(Soarin glances at the two, who have their backs to him and looks at the extra large egg roll he ordered.)

Soarin: Excuse me.

(Soarin tosses the egg roll at Doug as he falls over.)

Twilight: Soarin.  
Doug: Appropriate name.

(They chase after Soarin.)

Doug: He's heading towards the bridge. Stay on him while we cut him off.

(The others rush to Twilight's left as she continues pursuit. Soarin tries to lose Twilight by going through a giant gelatin mold.)

Twilight: Oh... No.

(Twilight goes through too. She continues to chase Soarin past a flower shop as Gizmo is there with a bouquet of chrysanthemums.)

Gizmo: Hey Twilight, I got new boxers!  
Twilight (sarcastically): Congratulations.

(Twilight continues pursuit until Soarin reaches the bridge, which is extended up for a boat.)

Twilight: Soarin, we need to talk to you.  
Soarin: Please Twilight. You've gotta understand! You were there. You took that test! I couldn't let down my mom or the professor after four months of his prep class.

(Twilight's face softens slightly as the bridge lowers.)

Soarin: They give you that test, and they think you know how smart you are.  
Twilight: I know the test is lame, but what you did was wrong.  
Soarin: But you know why I did what I did. Please Mai just let me jet.

(Twilight turns around.)

Soarin: Thanks Twilight.  
Twilight: No. (Turning around) Soarin, I can't let you get-

(Twilight sees Doug's already caught Soarin.)

Doug: Twilight, we take Soarin back to HQ, and then we talk.

(Cut to behind the one-way mirror of the detention room.)

Doug: You were going to let him go.  
Twilight: I thought about it, but I was going to get him.  
Doug: You almost didn't. Twi, we're friends, be straight with me.  
Twilight: I know Soarin. He's creative. He does these cute little cartoons of this pig named Smagoogi. He invented a candy bar wallet that stops them from melting in your pocket, but you don't see that in a SATTY 9 score. For a second, I just thought... Maybe the world will be better off without that test.  
Doug: That test may be lame, but there are right ways to fight it. Protests, banners, signs, editorials even hard raps with harder rhymes, but looking the other way is a sucker's move. We don't make the rules, we just enforce them.  
Twilight: I only forgot that for a second.  
Doug: But Twi... You still forgot that.

(John comes in.)

John: We've got the box.

(The gang goes in.)

John: It was just where you said it was, Soarin. Now you're gonna tell us where you put the pony costume.  
Soarin: Pony costume?  
Doug: The one you used to steal the tests.  
Twilight: Oh not this again.  
Soarin: I... Didn't steal any tests.

(John opens the box and finds small pieces of paper.)

John: Cheat sheets. Hundreds of them.  
Fluttershy: Well at least it makes more sense than tartar sauce.  
Soarin: I cheated. Isn't that what you were after me for?  
Doug: No.  
John: We're running out of time.  
Soarin: Am I still in trouble?  
Doug: We all are, Soarin. We all are.

(Cut to Luna's office as her phone rings.)

Twilight (narrating): We were called into Luna's office the next day. The phone kept on ringing, and Luna looked angrier than the lion we took the Star of Asteroth from, probably from lack of sleep.  
Luna: Do you hear that? That's how it's been since the answer sheets got stolen. I hear it in my sleep. I add milk to my Rice Krispies, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE MY PHONE!

(Luna goes to the phone.)

Luna: HOLD MY CALLS!

(The ringing stops.)

Luna: I gave you forty-eight hours, and we're down to twelve. Where are my results, people?!  
John: Look, we had some leads that came up dry, but-  
Luna: I only want to hear one thing out of your mouth right now, John. (Super cheery) "We found the tests!" (Normal) Since I am not hearing that, I'm starting plans to re-administer the SATTY 9.  
Doug: Principal Luna, you said we still have twelve hours. We're going to find those tests. Count on it.

(Luna observes Doug for a moment before she smiles.)

Luna: Twelve hours, but I am not going to get caught looking. Twilight, report to room 203.  
Twilight: What for?  
Luna: I'm having a facilitator talk with Canterlot's best and brightest. You need to talk to someone. You need to heal.  
Twilight: But Principal Luna, we're right in the middle of a case.  
Luna (to Doug): Look, Twilight here's our SATTY 9 ace in the hole. I need her emotionally prepared to retake the test. Can you spare her?  
Doug: Ordinarily, I'd say no. (To Twilight and Luna) But maybe she has some things to work out.

(Cut to room 203 as a girl talks.)

Girl: It's all for naught. It's all forgot. They took my SATTY 9 away.  
Councilor: That was a beautiful poem, Ingrid, but you know, they may have taken the answer sheets, but they didn't take the answers.  
Ingrid: They didn't?  
Councilor: No. You still have them, in your head.  
Girl: But... For three months, my mom would tutor me after coming home from the gravy company. How do I explain to her that someone just stole all that work away?  
Councilor: Now, Ingrid brought up the thief. I want to try something. Everyone, just scream out a word you believe best describes the person who did this.  
Girl: Villainous!  
Girl 2: Incredulous!  
Girl 3: Reprobate!  
Boy: Jerk!

(Twilight looks down, realizing there are some who actually were saddened by the loss of the test and not just panicked about having to take it over.)

Sunset (VO): STOP the SATTY 9! STOP the SATTY 9!

(Twilight looks at Sunset protesting, remembering that she did it earlier and begins to get a good idea of who might have taken that test... To protest. Cut to outside the school as Doug meets with Chris, Rainbow Dash, and Hagrid.)

Doug: Leads are coming up dry about who took the tests. We're running out of time. We need to cut through the iced tea and quick. Who's got the costume specs?

(Rainbow Dash holds up a folder.)

Rainbow Dash: Right here.  
Doug: What's the Shirley costume made of?  
Rainbow Dash: Industrial polymer plastic, with faux fur for covering.  
Doug: What was the temperature at noon today?  
Chris: Had to be in the eighties. It was no picnic eating my ice cream sandwich. Gooey? Don't even get me started.  
Rainbow Dash: ... You know, you could have stopped at the eighties.

(Cut to an inferred view of the school.)

Doug (VO): Mascot costumes are made of plastic for durability, not comfort. The plastic gets hot, and that's how we'll find Shirley. Using the bird watching club's inferred scope.

(The gang walks around the roof, with Hagrid holding Doug steady when he stops.)

Doug: Guys, look down there.

(Doug zooms in to find a heat signature in the shape of a pony costume.)

Doug: Bingo.

(Cut to Sunset marching around the hallway with a sign that says, "86 the SATTY 9 ASAP!")

Sunset: STOP the SATTY 9! STOP the SATTY 9!

(Sunset looks at a clock.)

Sunset: Oh, I've gotta go.

(Sunset walks off as Twilight walks out.)

Twilight: Hm...

(Twilight follows Sunset and hides behind a locker whenever she looks over. Cut to Sunset as she opens the door to her locker when Gizmo walks up.)

Gizmo: Hey Twilight.

(Sunset's eyes widen, and she closes her locker as Twilight's there.)

Twilight: Hey.  
Sunset: Hey, thanks for pointing out Miss Snitchy.  
Gizmo (nervously): No problem, Sunset.  
Twilight: Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle. Let's talk.

(Flash to outside the school with a dug up Shirley costume.)

Doug: Shirley deserved better.  
Hagrid: Could have been worse. We could have found her with a bum leg and have to put her down.

(Doug smiles as he notices the costume.)

Doug: Wait a second.

(Doug picks up the costume and puts it on as he goes to the window the perp crawled out of as Chris holds up a camera.)

Chris: You know I really wanna capture this moment.

(Chris's camera catches fire, and he drops it.)

Doug: Don't.  
Rainbow Dash: Doug, what are you doing?  
Doug: Something doesn't add up. Somebody get the window.

(Hagrid opens the window to Gizmo's changing room. Doug tries to get in, but he can't even fit the tail through the window thanks to the bulk the plastic is molded into.)

Doug: Bingo. It doesn't fit.

(Cut to Sunset and Twilight.)

Sunset: Must we have our intellectual worth assigned to a number so that it's more convenient for the man?! I don't think so!  
Twilight: Some kids wanted to take that test, and I just realized that they should be able to without an anthropomorphous pony coming up and stealing all their hard work. What's in the locker, Sunset?  
Sunset (scoffs): I don't have anything to hide, Twilight. I didn't steal your precious SATTY 9. I was in the Harry Potter club all afternoon, okay?

(Sunset opens her locker, and Twilight notices the flowers.)

Twilight: What are those?  
Sunset: Everyday, my secret admirer leaves me a bouquet in my locker.

(Sunset holds up a bouquet of chrysanthemums.)

Sunset: I'm a very loved girl, unlike you.  
Twilight: You also look like a girl version of Future Trunks.  
Sunset: Thanks. That's what I was going for.  
Twilight: Wait a second. Those are chrysanthemums.  
Sunset: Yeah. They're my favorite flower. So?  
Twilight: I saw those yesterday.

(Flash to Gizmo holding a bouquet of chrysanthemums.)

Twilight: Oh... Boy.

(Cut to the window as Doug removes the costume head.)

Hagrid: Gizmo said that the perp put on the costume and crawled through the window.  
Doug: Exactly... Which we now know he couldn't have since the only part that could get through was the tail, so...

(Doug reaches in and pulls out a torn piece of cloth.)

Doug: Bingo. The missing piece of Gizmo's boxer shorts. It all makes sense. There was no perp who stole the costume and crawled out through the window. It was Gizmo. Gizmo walked out of the changing room as Naga, stole the tests, then ditched the costume, and stole back in through the window, tearing his shorts. Finally, he locked the door from the inside and Chinese finger-trapped himself, but why?

(Twilight radios in on Doug's communicator.)

Doug: Yeah?  
Twilight: Gizmo is Sunset's secret admirer. She's the girl who wants to stop the SATTY 9!  
Doug: You just found the last piece of the puzzle. It was Gizmo. We have all the evidence we need.  
Twilight: I'll go track Gizmo down. You guys cover the exits.  
Doug: Go get him, Twilight, and you can use your birthday present. It's in Principal Luna's closet.

(Cut to Luna's office as Twilight opens a closet to find a scooter with the Gryffindor seal, and the New Republic symbol on it, as well as dragons on the helmet.)

Twilight (smirking): I knew they got me a scooter.

(Cut to Gizmo nervously walking the halls when Twilight arrives on her scooter.)

Twilight: Gizmo, it's over. Now where are the tests?  
Gizmo: What?! I didn't take the-  
Twilight: Save it.  
Gizmo: Well I think I'd rather... Save myself.

(Gizmo tosses several malted milk balls on the floor as Twilight falls over when the scooter moves, and Gizmo rushes off when Doug arrives.)

Doug: I don't think so.

(They give chase as Doug's having difficulty following wearing the costume when he passes Discord.)

Doug: Hey Discord, I need your floor waxer.  
Discord: Eh. I needed a new one anyways. Fight the good fight, kid.

(Doug hops on and sets the floor waxer to high as it lurches forward, but it passes Gizmo, and Doug's stuck to it, so he tears the glove off, jumping off as the floor waxer leaves the school and explodes.)

Discord: Now that was interesting.  
Gizmo: Nice try, Doug, but it looks like I'm gonna make a clean getaway.

(Gizmo rushes off when Twilight arrives next to him on her scooter.)

Twilight: Hey Gizmo?  
Gizmo: What?  
Twilight: Here's your candy back.

(Twilight drops a couple of the milk balls Gizmo had used as he trips and falls down while Twilight scoots in front of him.)

Twilight: You should stay away from that stuff. It's real bad for you.

(Cut to Luna's office as the tests are on her desk.)

Luna: Good work kids.

(Gizmo is there smiling at Sunset, who smiles back.)

Doug: He betrays the school, and the good name of Naga. He's facing a month's suspension, and he still wins.  
Twilight: No Doug. We won. He just got the girl of his dreams.  
Doug: I guess it could have gotten worse.

(Luna's phone rings as she answers it.)

Luna: Hello Discord. Yes we got the tests back, and I'm sending them to Crystalopolis ASAP... What's that? ... A six thousand dollar floor waxer?! DOUGLAS!

(Doug and the rest of the gang are already gone. Cut to the hallway.)

Pinkie: Sorry we had to give you your birthday present a day early, Twilight.  
Twilight: It was still a nice non-surprise. Hey Doug, about what happened on the bridge...  
Doug: It was a bridge you had to cross, and now you're on the other side.  
Twilight: I am, but I'd still like to see that stupid test go down.  
Rarity: Don't we all? But Twilight, what can you do?  
Twilight: Look up.

(Doug looks at something high up on the school.)

Doug: I don't think that's against the rules, at least the rules I know. Let's get some egg rolls. You're buying this time.  
Twilight: Deal. See you there.

(Twilight opens up her scooter.)

Doug: Uh... Mai, you can't right that on school grounds.  
Twilight (smiling): Watch me.  
Doug: You're gonna let me take a turn, right?  
Twilight: Only if you catch me before we get to the Bison.

(Doug smiles and rushes off. Tilt up to the school as a banner on it says, "Twilight Sparkle says, 'The real crime is the SATTY 9!'")

The End.


	8. Magic Librarian

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 8: Magic Librarian

(It opens with Twilight reading the Spells of Asteroth in the library her mother works at as Doug arrives.)

Doug: Hey Twi. Anything interesting in that old book?  
Twilight: Loads of spells and stuff, but the language is nuts. Some of them are some kind of Latin and the others are just rhymes in English.  
Doug: Oh. Hey, up for the talent show tonight?  
Twilight: No thanks. I'm still trying to figure out the finer points of the transportation spell. It's just this one spell that's just a diagram of snapping your fingers.

(Twilight snaps her fingers as she's suddenly on Doug's other side.)

Doug & Twilight: Ah!

(Twilight does it again, and she's on the shelves.)

Mrs. Sparkle: Twilight Sparkle, get down from there, right now, young lady!

(Twilight does so.)

Mrs. Sparkle: Honey, I know it's interesting learning new things, but no sitting on the shelves without permission.  
Twilight: Sorry Mom.  
Mrs. Sparkle: It's alright. Just practice outside, hon. I'm still trying to find out where the couch went.  
Doug: What happened?  
Twilight: Spike burped, and the couch disappeared in a green flame.  
Doug: ... Ooh...

(Cut to later as Twilight's looking through the book some more.)

Spike: Come on Twilight, try something.  
Twilight: In a minute, I wanna try and figure out what the spell I'm looking through does, but the pages are so worn, I'm having trouble getting through them... Okay.

(Twilight breathes in and out as she points at Spike, and a mustache appears out of nowhere.)

Spike: Awesome! I can't wait to walk out with this bad boy.  
Twilight: Sorry Spike, it's just for practice, and it's gotta go. Besides, I'm not risking your nose getting tickled. I'm still not fully sure what happened to the couch.  
Spike: Yeah, me neither.

(Twilight points at Spike again as it vanishes.)

Spike: Yeah, but still, the stuff you've been able to do is pretty impressive.  
Twilight: Yeah, but you can't exactly make a living out of teleporting people from place to place.

(She then grabs a copy of The Hobbit and sits on the couch.)

Twilight: Hey Spike, care to join me?  
Spike: Sure!

(He leaps onto the couch, and they begin reading.)

The End.


	9. A Bicycle Built for Boo

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 9: A Bicycle Built for Boo

(It opens at Chris' place.)

Chris (narrating): This is the city. Canterlot, Kansas. Every day at dawn, the Equestria Daily newspaper truck pulls out to my house. And my boss, Mr. Conrad, tosses out a big pile of newspapers. You see, I have a paper route to deliver. So I always wake up early.

(Cut to Chris' room as he's fast asleep.)

Chris (narrating): Well... Almost always.

(Derpy comes in.)

Derpy: Hey Chris! You've gotta wake up! We got papers to deliver!  
Chris: Mm... Oh, right. I'll grab my bike, and then we'll head out. Help yourself to anything Mom has out.  
Derpy: Okay.  
Mrs. Mccool: You like muffins, right, Derpy?  
Derpy: MUFFINS!

(Derpy zooms past her.)

Mrs. Mccool: I'll take that as a yes.

(Cut to Chris as he grabs the papers and prepares to load them onto a bike when a green slimy hand hands Chris one already set for distributing.)

Chris: Oh, thank you.  
Voice: My pleasure.

(Chris looks and sees a slimy green creature with glowing red eyes.)

Chris: ... Oh boy.  
Creature: I want this bike!  
Chris: But that's my bike.

(The creature roars as Chris backs up, and the creature leaves, and Chris rushes in.)

Mrs. Mccool: You got the whole stack rolled up already?  
Chris: No.  
Derpy: You just had to have one of these awesome muffins?  
Mrs. Mccool: Don't praise me too much, hon. I bought those at Meijer's.  
Derpy: Still.  
Chris: No.  
Mrs. Mccool: Then what? You look like you've seen a ghost.  
Chris: I did! It was green and slimy and stole my bike!  
Derpy: Ooh, that's not nice.

(Cut to the clubhouse.)

Chris (narrating): Someone had stolen my bike, so I called an emergency meeting of the Tina Borst Detective Agency.

(Cut to inside.)

Doug: Well Chris, I'm glad to see you're taking this stolen bike stuff like a man.

(Chris is having a tantrum on the ground.)

Chris: My bike! My brand new Cherry 59 special! Gone! Gone forever!  
Doug: I never said a mature man.  
Rarity: But who in the world would steel that bike of yours?  
Derpy: Chris says it was a slimy green monster!  
Hagrid: But why would a ghost steal Chris' bike?  
Rainbow Dash: Oh please, Hagrid. Be serious for a second. There are no such things as ghosts.  
Chris: Oh no? Then who swiped my bike?  
Pinkie: Yeah, who?  
Fluttershy: I don't know.  
Doug: Well Chris, can you think of anyone who's ever been a bully to you?  
Chris: Nope.  
Doug: Well I still say we check with Sunset Shimmer. If you even look like you crossed her, she'll settle the grudge.

(Cut to Sunset as she's reading The Magician's Nephew as the gang arrives.)

Chris (narrating): So, we went to Sunset's house to check on her.  
Sunset: What?  
Doug: We wanna know if you stole Chris' bike this morning.  
Sunset: Are you nuts? I don't steal. Plus, I don't even know who Chris is.  
Chris: Hi, I'm Chris Mccool. My bike was stolen.  
Sunset: Oh, nice to meet you- Wait a minute! What's this all about?  
Twilight: Look, someone stole Chris' bike, and we're trying to figure out who it is. Sorry for wasting your time.  
Sunset: Alright. Now get out.  
Doug: Alright. Hey, have you gotten to the part where-?  
Sunset: Out!

(She tosses them all out.)

Chris: Wow. She's got some upper body strength.  
Twilight: I've got an idea.  
Pinkie: Ooh, what is it?  
Twilight: We just follow the tire tracks from the bike, and we'll find where it was taken.  
Rarity: Marvelous idea, Twilight. We can get Spike to follow the tire tracks and lead us straight to the bike.  
Twilight: Precisely.

(Spike comes up.)

Spike: I'm ready!  
Doug: Brian, wanna-  
Brian: Not right now. I'm reading.  
Doug: Alright.

(Cut to later as Spike is following the tracks as Twilight is following him.)

Twilight: Just track down that bike, Spike.  
Spike: Okay. Hey, I've got something!  
Twilight: What?

(Spike puts his leash on and hands the end to Twilight.)

Spike: You better take this.  
Twilight: ... Why...?

(He zooms off as Twilight hangs on for dear life as the others follow on a large jet powered go cart with Rainbow Dash driving.)

Doug: Mystery ho-OHH!

(Cut to the two groups speeding off.)

Twilight: SLOW DOWN, SPIKE! SLOW DOWN!  
Everyone: SLOW DOWN, RAINBOW! SLOW DOWN!

(Spike stops at the Equestria Daily building and leads Twilight up as the others walk off the go-cart and go up with them. They arrive at the elevator and head up to the top and flop out.)

John: ... Where are we?  
Rarity: The Equestria Daily newspaper office. The paper Chris delivers.  
Twilight: Oh, Spike.  
Spike: Sorry.  
Chris: Hey, there's my boss, Mr. Conrad. Hey boss!  
Conrad: Oh hey, kids. How's the paper route going?  
Chris: Not too good. My bike got stolen this morning.  
Derpy: By a big-

(Hagrid covers her mouth.)

Hagrid: Jerk. I mean, anyone who'd steal a kid's bike is a big jerk.  
Doug: Not to worry though. We're hot on the trail of the thief.  
Conrad: I see. Well there aren't any bikes around here, I'm afraid. This is a print shop and no place for kids to hang around in.

(Pinkie goes to some green ink with Spike.)

Pinkie: What's this?  
Spike: I don't know.

(Spike sniffs it and begins to sneeze.)

Conrad: Hey, that's dry printing ink! Get away from there!  
Spike: Ah... Ah...  
Twilight: Clear the room!

(Pinkie opens a window and holds Spike to it as Derpy opens the other one for a cross breeze when Spike sneezes, and a spurt of flame sends him and Pinkie out through the window.)

Pinkie: WHEE!

(After a few moments, they come back through the other window with Spike stuffed up.)

Pinkie: Wow... Let's do that again!  
Twilight: No, no, no! No!  
Conrad: And now, if you don't mind, get out.  
Applejack: Right, sir. Sorry to bother ya, sir.

(They head out.)

Chris: Well let's face it. There's no trace of my bike anywhere around here.

(Spike begins sniffing again.)

Rarity: Don't be too sure, Chris. Spike seems to be hot on the trail.  
Spike: Got it!  
Twilight: Oh no.

(Spike zooms off as Rainbow Dash drives off in the go-cart.)

Chris: Let's hope this doesn't lead to a dead end.

(They arrive at a large mansion outside of town.)

Hagrid: The Ferguson estate.  
Chris: The most haunted house in the county. Spike, are you sure my bike's inside?  
Spike: Yeah! Let's go!  
Doug: Then let's check it out, crew.

(They sneak in.)

Doug: We're sure to find Chris' bike somewhere around here. So let's split up, gang! We can cover more ground that way. Twilight, take Spike and Chris and check the back yard. Derpy, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, check the front yard. John, Fluttershy, Rarity, Hagrid, and I will check the sides of the house.

(Cut to the back yard as Chris gulps.)

Chris: Oh, this should be loads of fun. Take a peak in the storm cellar, will ya, Spike?  
Spike: Okay, Chris.

(Spike checks as the monster pops out.)

Spike: AHH!

(He slams the door shut.)

Chris: See anything, Spike?  
Spike: I'll say.  
Chris: Let me take a look.  
Spike: No, you really don't wanna do that.  
Chris: Why not?

(The monster comes out.)

Chris: Oh, that's why not.  
Twilight: So... You were right. A big... Slimy... Monster...

(The gang backs away.)

Monster: Get out... Get out! GET OUT!  
Chris: Good idea.

(Spike sneezes as the monster loses his balance avoiding the sudden flames and falls back into the cellar while Chris and Twilight lock the cellar shut. Cut to the others as they regroup at the front as the trio arrives.)

Doug: What's up, gang?  
Chris: A m-mo-m...  
Pinkie: A m-mo-m? What's a m-mo-m?  
Chris: A monster! A monster! The one that stole my bike! He's here! We saw him. He said, "Get out... Get out! GET OUT!"  
Rainbow Dash: How many times do I have to say it? There are no such things as ghosts!  
Voice: Oh, but there are, and you don't need to look far.

(The kids jump as they turn to see a gray woman with black stripes walk up.)

Zecora: I am Zecora. Perhaps you've heard of me. Living amongst the tree.  
Hagrid: Yeah. You're that weirdo who walks around the place all the time.  
Zecora: Yes. Something dark is here, which you all should fear.  
Rainbow Dash: Oh brother.  
Zecora: Continue safely, to find what you miss so badly.

(She walks off as a camera falls from her coat.)

Doug: Well that was weird.

(Derpy looks at the camera as it flashes and she falls onto Hagrid.)

Derpy: Oops. My bad.  
Chris: Look what that Zecora lady dropped.  
Rarity: It's some kind of camera.  
Doug: A spy camera. I think we've got our first actual suspect.

(Spike looks around and goes to a curved red piece of metal.)

Chris: Hey, that's my bike bender!  
Rarity: It looks like someone took the rest of your bike inside.  
Chris: D'oh!

(They go inside.)

Chris: This mystery's getting spookier every minute.  
Pinkie: Yup.  
Doug: Okay gang, stay close and follow me. I won't let you down.

(Everyone but Derpy falls through a weak bit of floor and land in the basement as Derpy puts her head in the hole.)

Derpy: You guys okay?! Anything I can do to help?  
Rainbow Dash: No, just sit there and tell us if something's coming.

(Derpy sits down as the area breaks, and she falls down too.)

Derpy: Oops. My bad.

(They look around and find a mountain of money.)

Chris: Guys, money! Tons of money! Tons and tons of money!  
Rarity: But where did it come from?  
Doug: Well I'm blessed if I know.  
Chris: Who cares where it came from?! We're rich! Hey, now I can buy myself a new bike! Oh, who am I kidding?! I can buy a million new bikes! Whoo-hoo!

(Chris dives through the money as Applejack pulls a few bills out and stares.)

Applejack: That's weird. Hey Twilight, take a look here.

(Twilight looks at the two bills and compares them to another couple.)

Twilight: They all have the same serial numbers.  
Applejack: Now that can't be right.  
Twilight: It's not.

(Cut to Chris at a door.)

Chris: Hey gang, maybe there's more money in here!

(Chris opens the door as the monster comes out.)

Chris: Or maybe not.

(The monster corners them as Applejack finds a button on the wall.)

Applejack: Eh. What could it hurt?

(Applejack pushes it, and the wall they're next to spins around, separating them from the monster and end up falling down a slide to a room with a newspaper printer.)

Pinkie: Let's go again! Let's go again!  
Twilight: No.  
Chris: Oh perfect. We've wound up in Frankenstein's laboratory.

(They go to the printer.)

Rarity: That's strange. What's a printing press doing down here?  
Doug: I don't know. I guess we'll just have to look around.

(They look around the area.)

Chris: Let's see what's down the stairs.  
Derpy: Okay.

(Derpy trips and falls down the stairs, on a bike.)

Doug: Looks like Derpy's stumbled onto something.  
Derpy: I'll say.  
Chris: Hey, it's my bike!  
Derpy: Yay!  
Twilight: Hey, the bike chain's missing.  
Doug: Weird. I wonder where it went.

(Twilight goes to the printing press.)

Twilight: I think I know.

(The monster arrives again.)

Doug: Run for it!

(They rush away from the monster. Eventually, he's got everyone but Twilight and Spike cornered.)

Twilight: Hey... More dry ink.  
Monster: I'll finish with you meddling kids!  
Chris: HELP!

(Twilight nods to Spike and holds the ink to him as he sneezes, knocking him into the monster, who bounces off the wall into the press and gets stuck in it.)

Monster: Let me out of here!  
Chris: You did it, you two! You caught the monster!  
Spike: I did? I mean, yup! That's me. I did it.  
Rainbow Dash: But Chris, I told you before, there are no such things as ghosts!  
Chris: Well Rainbow, then who is that pile of snot.  
Pinkie: Yeah, who is the m-mo-m?  
Doug: Well let's review the facts. We've only got one real suspect to speak of. Zecora. She's obviously a spy of some sort, so it's either gotta be her or someone we've overlooked.  
Rarity: Oh, here's Zecora right here.

(They open a dungeon door as Zecora comes out.)

Zecora: That "ghost" locked me in there to keep me out of this affair.  
Twilight: You're here about the counterfeit money, aren't you?  
Zecora: Yes.  
Derpy: Huh?  
Zecora: I work for the US Treasury, spending months trying to bust this counter fitting spree.  
Derpy: Counterfeiter?  
Twilight: Exactly. That money we found upstairs was fake.  
Everyone: Fake?!  
Spike: Oh rats.  
Twilight: Every bill has the exact same serial number, and the fake money was printed on this press by our monster.  
Applejack: Exactly.  
Chris: So then who is this guy?  
Doug: Well if it's someone we've overlooked, let's go over the one common thread, like the incident with the Greeks during the mess with the Eyes.  
Rarity: Right. In this case, the color green. Like the green ghost, the green money...  
Twilight: And the green dry ink that makes Spike sneeze.  
Rarity: We learned that back at the newspaper office. When Spike led us there, we thought he was way off track, but our little Spikey-Wikey, wasn't!

(Rarity kisses Spike's cheek as he seems to glow red.)

Twilight: He went there with the bike to pick up more green ink.  
Doug: I get it. So he came here to his hideout.  
Chris: Yeah, and he tried to scare us off with his ghost costume, so he could keep printing bogus money.  
Twilight: Isn't that right, Mr. Conrad?

(Twilight takes the mask off as sure enough, it is Conrad.)

Conrad: Oh shoot.  
Chris: But why boss?! Why'd you swipe my bike?!  
Conrad: I needed the bike chain.  
Twilight: Precisely. This old press needs a special type of chain, and the one from Chris' bike was a perfect fit.  
Conrad: I'd still be in business if it hadn't been for you pesky kids and that dog.  
Zecora: Tell it to the judge.  
Chris: Hey boss, before you go to the slammer, there's just one thing to settle.  
Conrad: What?  
Chris: I quit!  
Derpy: Me too!

(Cut to Sugar Cube Corner.)

Chris (narrating): So I got my bike back as good as new. We got our pictures in the paper again, and I'm looking for a new part time job.  
Rarity: And we hope you get one.  
Doug: Of course, being part of the crew, you get the employee discount for us finding your bike. Meaning you're paying for this trip.  
Chris: Well that seems fair. What's the total?

(Mr. Cake brings out a receipt as Chris looks at it.)

Chris: Twenty-five bucks?! Alright, who's been pigging out?

(They turn to Pinkie Pie eating a whole cake.)

Pinkie: I'll reimburse you for the cake.  
Chris: ... Eh, no worries.

(Everyone smiles and continues eating.)

The End.


	10. Engagement

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 10: Engagement

(It opens as the gang's talking when Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, arrives with a pink woman with pink, red, and yellow hair.)

Twilight: Cadence!

(Twilight runs up to Cadence, and they do a little dance.)

Twilight & Cadence: Sunshine! Sunshine! Ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!

(They laugh as everyone stares.)

Doug: ... What the heck was that?  
Twilight: Our secret dance.  
Cadence: So, you must be Twilight's new friend, Doug.  
Doug: Yes sir, ma'am.  
Cadence: So anyway, Twilight, we're here with good news.  
Twilight: What?  
Shining Armor: Twilie, Cadence and I are getting married!  
Twilight: Oh my gosh! When?  
Cadence: Next year?  
Twilight: Oh my gosh, that's so great! I can't believe it!

(Twilight bounces all around like a pogo stick.)

Doug: Hoo boy.

(Everyone laughs good naturedly as Twilight calms down.)

The End.


	11. Freaky Fun Day

**Equestria Preteens**

**Season 1**

Episode 11: Freaky Fun Day

(It opens at the library as Doug's reading the Spells of Asteroth as Rob scoffs.)

Hagrid: Doug, why are you still reading that dumb old book?  
Doug: Because it's magic.  
Hagrid: Urgh! I'm sick of all this magic talk! You can't just do something after reading it in a book!  
Doug: Well with a magic book, you can.  
Hagrid: Oh yeah?! Well I dare you to read a spell from the book at random!  
Doug: You're on!

(Doug goes to the Spells of Asteroth out and looks through it.)

Doug: Um... Hey, here's one, but the lettering's so faded, I can't make out what the spell does.  
Hagrid: Well if you're chicken...  
Doug: Okay... Okay...

(Doug recites the spell in some forgotten language... And nothing happens.)

Hagrid: See?! Nothing happened!  
Doug: Dude, quiet. This is a library.

(Doug puts the book back.)

Doug: Let's just go back to the house and rest.  
Hagrid: Fine. A nice rest to go with my victory.

(They head off as the book glows. Cut to the next morning as Doug wakes up in a POV shot as he walks around.)

Doug: Oh... I feel like I just died or something.

(Doug goes to a mirror as Spike walks up.)

Spike: Morning Twilight.

(Doug looks around for Twilight and finds he's in her house.)

Doug: How'd I get here?  
Spike: Twilight, you live here, and what happened to your voice?

(Doug keeps looking around for Twilight as he catches a look of himself in the mirror, and it's Twilight's reflection staring back at him.)

Doug: AH! What am I doing in Twilight's body?!  
Spike: Oh... Boy. Let me guess, Doug.  
Doug: Oh man, oh man, oh man. What happened?!

(Cut to Hagrid waking up in Fluttershy's body as he walks around when he spots Angel Bunny.)

Rob: Hey man, what are you doing here?

(Angel Bunny stares in shock.)

Hagrid: What?

(Hagrid looks in the mirror and sees that he's in Fluttershy's body.)

Hagrid: Amalthea's horn, I'm a girl!

(Hagrid breaks down and cries.)

Hagrid: It's not fair! I'm a man! A MAN!

(Angel snickers and points at Hagrid.)

Hagrid: Shut up! Just shut up!

(Cut to Chris waking up in Applejack's body as Applebloom comes in.)

Applebloom: Applejack, get up!  
Chris: Huh? Applejack's here?  
Applebloom: ... Uh-oh.  
Chris: Uh-oh? What uh-oh?

(Chris looks out Applejack's window and sees her reflection.)

Chris: Hey Applejack, what are you doing out there?  
Applebloom: Uh... Chris, that's your reflection.  
Chris: Uh-oh.

(Cut to John as he gets up and walks around, noticing the decor of the room he's in.)

John: Hm... This doesn't look like my room.

(He sees that he's become Rarity.)

John: ... Oh... Sweetie Belle's in for a shock.

(He goes down as Sweetie Belle's there.)

Sweetie Belle: Hey Rarity! I- What's wrong?  
John: Now, you may not believe this, but-  
Sweetie Belle: John? You're in Rarity's body? Well then where's Rarity?  
John: Well one could assume that she's in my body.

(Cut to Pinkie's room, as Rainbow Dash wakes up in Pinkie's body, and notices that she's pink.)

Rainbow Dash: Say huh?

(Rainbow Dash goes to the mirror to find Pinkie staring back.)

Rainbow Dash: Oh no!

(Cut to Pinkie as she's in Rainbow Dash's body, talking to her reflection.)

Pinkie: Rainbow Dash, please stop talking while I'm talking! I- Wait... This is a mirror, so... Ooh... A mystery!

(Pinkie puts on a Sherlock Holmes hat.)

Pinkie: The game's a foot... That's a funny expression!

(Cut to John's place as Rarity's looking at her reflection.)

Rarity: This is simply horrid! I'm a woman trapped in a man's body, literally!

(Cut to Applejack as she wakes up in Chris' house and looks around.)

Applejack: What the heck's goin' on here?

(Applejack comes out.)

Mrs. Mccool: Hey kiddo. Do me a favor and don't spend all Saturday in your room.  
Applejack: Mrs. Mccool?  
Mrs. Mccool: ... Life was so much easier when I lived in New York. Oh well, have fun fixing whatever's going on.  
Applejack: Um... Thank ya, ma'am.

(Cut to Fluttershy waking up and quickly realizing she's in Hagrid.)

Fluttershy: Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!  
Roger: Could ya quiet down in there, Fluttershy?! I don't care if you've switched places with Hagrid, a dragon disguised as a cat still needs his beauty sleep!

(Roger walks off but then walks right back.)

Roger: Oh what fresh hell is this?  
Fluttershy: Roger, me and Hagrid have switched bodies!  
Roger: Well I can see that, kiddo. This is terrible. You've become Hagrid, Hagrid now lives with Angel Bunny. Everyone's gone down a peg!  
Fluttershy: Now Roger, that's not nice. Angel's a perfectly nice bunny.  
Roger: Are you kidding? Just last week he beat me up for my winnings from game night with Brian and Spike.  
Fluttershy: Oh my. So that's where he got that watch from.

(Cut to Twilight as she's woken up and rushing around.)

Twilight: Oh man! Oh man!

(Brian comes in.)

Brian: Hey Doug, it's about time for breakfast and-  
Twilight: Brian, I'm Twilight! Somehow I got stuck in Doug's body!  
Brian (sighing): It's too early for this.

(Brian walks off as Twilight grabs Doug's cell.)

Twilight: I've gotta call everybody and have them meet up at the library!

(Everyone meets up at the library as Doug lets them in.)

Rainbow Dash: Okay, what the heck happened?!  
Doug: It's all my fault. I was looking through the Spells of Asteroth, and I found this page that had the title of it worn out. I read the spell, and I guess what it did was switch all of us up. I've been trying to use the Cut-Off spell, but it's not working.  
Twilight: Ooh... That's not good.  
Hagrid: Well what are we supposed to do?! Live our lives inside other people?!  
Twilight: I'm sure there must be some way to reverse this spell, and Doug and I will look through it. You guys just... Well... Do what you normally do, I guess.  
Rarity: Well if I'm going to spend an indefinite amount of time as a male, John must come with me at once!  
John: Why?  
Rarity: To explain to Mother and Father why their daughter is suddenly a son!  
John: Oh, Sweetie Belle and I told them already. They seemed fine with it as long as it's back to normal before Monday.  
Rarity: Oh. Well no worries then.

(They head off as Twilight goes to the book while Doug mopes on the floor.)

Twilight: Doug, are you alright?  
Doug: This was all my fault. I shouldn't have read that stupid spell.  
Twilight: Hey, come on. You had no idea this would happen. Come on... Who's the best geek around?  
Doug: Gizmo?  
Twilight: Come on, Doug, you know what I meant.  
Doug: Alright.

(Cut to Hagrid and Fluttershy.)

Fluttershy: You know I just don't understand how Doug did what he did. It just doesn't seem like him.  
Hagrid: Yeah... It's so weird.

(Hagrid looks down as Angel Bunny taps his foot.)

Hagrid: What are you staring at?!

(Cut to Sweet Apple Acres as Chris stands there with Applejack and Applebloom.)

Applejack: Alright now, since you got my body, you gotta help us out here.  
Chris: Right!

(Chris knocks on the tree as all the apples fall down on top of him.)

Chris: Help! I'm lost in apples!

(Applejack actually chuckles a little and helps Chris out.)

Applejack: That was mighty respectable, but ya might wanna wait 'till some barrels are put under the next tree.  
Chris: Oh yeah.

(Cut to Rarity and John at her room.)

John: Hey, what do you think of a bit of gold in this outfit right here?  
Rarity: ... John dear, that's your magician's outfit... Brilliant!

(Rarity does so and tries it on for John.)

Rarity: Oh darling, you'll look ravishing in this once Doug and Twilight undo that spell.  
John: Indeed. After all, there's nothing quite like getting in touch with one's feminine side.

(Cut to Pinkie rolling around on the grass on a bright sunny day.)

Pinkie: Yay! Grass and Sunshine!  
Rainbow Dash: Well... That's about it.  
Pinkie: Aw.

(Cut to Fluttershy's place as Hagrid looks out the window as Fluttershy comes up.)

Fluttershy: Um, Hagrid are you-  
Hagrid: Alright, I confess! I did it!  
Fluttershy: Um... Did what?  
Hagrid: I convinced Doug to look through the book! I convinced Doug to read the page with the worn away title! I'm the reason we're all switched around! Oh please, just make the guilt stop!  
Fluttershy: Oh my. Well Rob, I think you're gonna have to explain to Twilight and assure Doug that it wasn't his fault.  
Hagrid: Right!

(They arrive.)

Hagrid: Okay Twilight, it was my fault we were here and Doug read the spell! Doug's just so kind and a good friend that he blames himself!  
Twilight: Yeah, that makes more sense.

(The book glows.)

Twilight: Hey what the-? The counter spell! It just appeared in the book!

(Twilight reads it, and they all return to normal and rush into the library to say.)

Rarity: Oh thank goodness! We're all back to our proper selves! I was afraid I'd have to start wearing... Oh, I can't even bring myself to say it.  
Doug: Shorts?  
Rarity: Shut it!  
Doug: Sorry.  
Hagrid: Whoo! We're back to normal! ... Also, I'm sorry everybody. This whole mess was my fault. I guess I was just a little too oblivious to the fact that magic really is all around us.  
Twilight: It took you a whole year to figure that out?  
Hagrid: Yup.

(Everyone has a good chuckle and talks with each other.)

The End.


End file.
